👸🏼This Week in Spain: Welcome to Leonormania

• You of course remember Rubiales, right? He’s the bullet-headed dude who grabbed his testicles and made, um, gestures while in the stands after the Spanish women’s team won the World Cup final and, more importantly, kissed Spain player Jenni Hermoso right smack on the lips on stage to celebrate said triumph. 

• Turns out that Jenni didn’t want to be kissed. On the lips. On stage. By Rubiales. To which Rubiales insisted that they’d had a 30-second conversation (apparently compressed into three seconds judging by the video) about the procedure for the upcoming kiss and she was totally into it. "It's just a little kiss between two friends,” he said. “We don’t have time for this bullshit." Which no one believed and everyone thought Rubiales should just apologize. Which he didn’t.

• So Rubiales’s fellow Spanish federation executives tried to lean on Hermoso to say it was consensual. And she refused. Then everyone got ticked off and called each other liars. And Rubiales’s mother said she was going on a hunger strike in a church to protest (i.e. the most Spanish mother thing ever), FIFA suspended Rubiales and opened an investigation into him, and Rubiales finally quit.

Done, right? Wrong. FIFA gave itself 90 days to investigate whether Rubiales broke any federation rules, and it came back 30 days early with a verdict—he did! In fact, he broke Article 13 of the FIFA disciplinary code, which reads, “Thou shalt not be caught grabbing thy genitals or forcing thy lips onto Jenni Hermoso at the FIFA World Cup celebration.” (Actually, it says you shouldn’t be “using offensive gestures” or “violating the basic rules of decent conduct” which is sorta the same.)

• Rubiales says FIFA didn’t follow proper procedure and he’ll appeal and etc etc.

Rubiales’s mom is fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.

3. 🇵🇸 Big pro-Palestine march pits Sánchez against coalition partners—again

With friends like these… Caretaker PM Pedro Sánchez has never been super high on his far-left coalition partners-by-necessity in Podemos (and Sumar, which put a flesh suit over Podemos and called it something else), but the whole Israel/Hamas/Gaza/Palestine thing has sorta sealed the we’re-not-friends thing.

• Some 35,000 people marched in Madrid Sunday in support of Palestine and Gaza, and against the Israeli offensive (and let’s be honest, a bit against Israel). There was a similar march in Valencia. The demand? A ceasefire in Gaza.

• Podemos and Sumar in the house. Showing their smiling and politically committed faces at the Madrid event were acting Second Deputy PM Yolanda Díaz of Sumar, as well as acting Podemos ministers Ione Belarra (Social Rights) and Irene Montero (Equality).

Wedge issue redux: As we’ve written about (and therefore you know), the Spanish far-left’s reaction to the Hamas massacre of Israeli civilians and Israel’s violent reply (in summary: quick support of Palestinians, quick criticism of Israel) has caused rifts between Spain and Israel and between the PSOE of PM Sánchez and his far left partners.

• The Israeli ambassador even suggested that Podemos was aligned with “ISIS-type terrorism” for coming out against Israel’s response and calling for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu to be brought up on war crime charges, and the Sánchez government had to play clean-up. 

Signs and statements; At the Madrid march, Díaz formed part of a line of people carrying a “Ceasefire in Gaza now!” banner at the Madrid march and tried to align herself with Sánchez and the official Spanish stance.

• Spain “defends the same thing as 120 other United Nations countries,” Díaz told the media. “We all ask for a ceasefire.” She also said, “We are talking about war crimes and I have been asking for days to clarify legal responsibilities. There are no double standards,” she added, pointing out “flagrant” violation of international law by Israel.

Podemos played less nicey nice, however. Belarra, who made the original statements that teed off Israel’s ambassador in Spain, took the opportunity to go at European politicians in general—and Sánchez in particular.

• No están a la altura. Yup, that’s what Belarra said about Perro Sanxe’s actions on Israel. Specifically: “We think that at this moment, European leaders, including ours, are not up to the gravity of the situation. We do not want to be complicit in this genocide. Europe is going to pay dearly for this hypocrisy of proclaiming human rights throughout the world and then, when it is necessary to show its face, doing absolutely nothing.”

• Suspend relations? Yup. That too. Belarra went on: “Diplomatic relations with Israel must be suspended, exemplary economic sanctions applied and an arms embargo carried out.”

Not trying out for the next government. Sánchez is very unlikely to name Belarra and Montero to cabinet roles if he manages to put together the votes to repeat as Spain’s PM, so you can take this as territory marking (you know—peeing on the political fire hydrant) to position Podemos for the next elections. 

• In the meantime, Sánchez is trying to perform a difficult dance. He’s trying to toe the EU’s Israel support line, while subtly standing apart from countries like Germany (which say you can’t put limits on Israel’s defense) and alongside others like Ireland, who calls for humanitarian ceasefires and the like. 

Bonus news: A car knocked down a bunch of cyclists in the midst of another pro-Palestine march in Madrid.

4. 📳 So what’s going on with Spain’s cell phones?

Why is the investing world so hopped up on Spanish mobile operators? It’s a good question, to be honest, because Spain by all accounts is one of the sleepiest markets in the telecommunications industry.

• In case you didn’t notice, Spain has in recent weeks been the site of several multi-billion-euro mobile phone operator deals—and plenty of teeth gnashing and hand-wringing about them. 

• So what does that mean for my phone? I mean, is this bad? Are they shutting down? Do I need to actually get a landline 😱?

Once upon a time… The drama started almost two months ago when (as we reported) the Saudi government-controlled firm STC Group (aka Saudi Telecom) became Telefónica’s biggest shareholder by taking  a 9.9%/€2.1bn stake in the Spanish multinational (which also works as Movistar),

• Spain’s government went a bit nutty because it didn’t know beforehand that this was going to happen, so Economy Minister Nadia Calviño said on a visit to Brussels that the government would “apply all necessary mechanisms to protect the strategic interests of Spain”. Because, Saudi running your telephone network is scary for many.

• Which led to… This week, the Sánchez government said it was considering the extraordinary step of buying a chunk of Telefónica (reports said Spain was considering a 5% stake).

Now there’s a new deal. Vodafone is selling its Spanish arm to a British group called Zegona Communications (which sounds like a talking vegetable) for €5bn. 

• So…what gives? Why so much excitement?

It’s both dull—and exciting. Spain’s telecom industry is notoriously slow-growing, tightly regulated, and dull. 

• Exit: That means that companies looking to make more money want to leave. Which Vodafone’s CEO Margherita Della Valle basically admitted when she said that the point of the sale was to “focus our resources in markets with sustainable structures and sufficient local scale.”

• Enter: And such slow industries draw in investors who think they can get things done better, like…Saudi Arabia, which said, “We see this as a compelling investment opportunity”. In other words, value go up if done better.

And the Spanish freakout? Telecommunications are actually sort of a national security issue. As Economy Minister Nadia Calvino said, Telefónica “is one of the most, if not the most strategic company in Spain,” and that its value is “not only in the area of telecommunications but also in technologies related to defense.” 

• So, like, don’t mess with us. In the end expect a symbolic state investment to defend, you know, defense stuff, but in general consolidation of boring phone companies because the only way to make money in that is if your gigantic.

5. 🇰🇵 Adios, North Korea. It’s been a blast!

Bet you didn’t know North Korea had an embassy in Madrid. And now that you do, bet you’re despondent and downright irate that it’s being closed!

• Shutting down: North Korea sent Spain’s Foreign Ministry a note, dated Oct. 26 (and later reported by Spanish media), that it was closing up shop at its Madrid embassy. Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish.

The departure has nothing to do with fish, of course. According to ‘diplomatic sources’ cited by El Confidencial, it’s leaving because of “unfriendly measures” taken by Spanish authorities in recent years.

• “Unfriendly” in what way? In 2017, then Foreign Minister Alfonso Dastis expelled the North Korean Ambassador Kim Hyok-Chol and another diplomat as “personas non grata” after the country performed a nuclear test and prepared intercontinental ballistic missiles. Which sorta sounds like “unfriendly gestures” but the other way around, if you ask us.

• North Korea’s allies even said it out loud. In a press release, the Partido Comunista de los Pueblos de España (PCPE) mentioned the expulsion and Spain’s application of the “sanctions of imperialism” via the EU. 

• But… this is embarrassing. There may be a more prosaic reason: North Korea may be broke. NK News, which—surprise!—follows North Korea news, said that a spate of embassy closings, including Hong Kong, Uganda, Angola and others owed to sanctions caused, you know, no money. Before the recent closings, the country had embassies in 46 countries, NK News reports.

And now the fun stuff. The Madrid outpost isn’t just any old North Korean embassy. It was the site of a daring—and completely bizarre—raid in February 2019, when a group of 10 armed men, freelance human rights activists—maybe tied to foreign intelligence agencies like the CIA—who work to bring down the North Korean regime. We know that because one of us reported on it for the Financial Times at the time.

• Cipher machine. After terrorizing the residents of the embassy and demanding (unsuccessfully) that the chargé d’affaires Yun Sok So defect, the group escaped, likely with a computer used for deciphering info shared between Pyongyang and the embassy. 

• That computer was seen as “more important than human lives” according to Thae Yong-ho, North Korea’s former deputy ambassador to the U.K.

The ringleader of the raid escaped by ordering an Uber under the name of Oswaldo Trump and eventually flying to Newark, from Lisbon. Which is a nice touch.

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