🇺🇸 Mr. Cuerpo Goes to Washington
Plus: Tiger King (Mallorca edition) and trigger warnings for Spanish movies.
Madrid | Issue #98
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So very frank
🕴️ Two Men in Suits, Talking About Tariffs
Spain’s Economy Minister Carlos Cuerpo traveled to American Thunderdome (aka Washington, D.C.) for a meeting Tuesday with U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent. And it seems like the ‘mercans actually are peeved about Spain’s Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez’s flirtations with China last week. Like, the Americans called the Bessent-Cuerpo summit “frank.” 😱 But more on diplomatic “frankness” in a second.
Why meet? Spain, like the rest of the EU and what used to be called the “West”, would like to avoid the tariff-tsunami U.S. President Donald “Orange Man” Trump has threatened to unleash unless they do what he wants. The issue? No one knows what he wants, not even the Orange Man himself.
But anyway. Spain’s not just like everyone else. Indeed, the Trump regime may have it out for our little España. The Orange Man confused it for a BRICS country (not positive!), for one thing. And noted repeatedly that it doesn’t spend enough on defense. Oh, and just last week, Bessent himself said that if Spain drew closer to China, as Sánchez suggested during a trip to visit China President Xi Jinping, it would be like “cutting your own throat.” Zoinks! 🫣
The point. The meeting between Bessent and Cuerpo, scheduled before Sánchez’s China trip (according to his government), was both a meet-and-greet and a chance to calm the waters.
A touch of odd. At one level, the meeting was a strange one for Bessent to have, as Spain is not a major trading partner, and Cuerpo has no EU negotiating power—that’s all done through EU bosses in Brussels.
But it was a big deal for Carlos Cuerpo (aka Carl Body in Bubblespeak), the chance to parley as an “equal” with his equivalent at the world’s biggest economy—and big-up Spain, just as Sánchez did meeting with Xi in China.
So how did the talks go? No one ever tells you exactly what went down. But, man, the tea leaves! 🫖
Message massage. Carl Body’s aim was to project a vibe of diplomatic normalcy, just two Finance Chieftains doing their thing. And he did that! Cuerpo described “constructive” talks about “mutual interests” and highlighted "the importance of the U.S. for Europe and for Spain as a strategic partner" while at the same time emphasizing Spain’s right to maintain "a frank and open dialogue" with China.
Dialogue, dude. “Secretary Bessent has conveyed a clear message: the U.S. wants to reach an agreement with its main trade partners,” Cuerpo said. “That confirms the door to dialogue opened last week with the 90 days pause.”
But Bessent wasn’t having it. The Treasury Secretary first played down the importance of the conversation: "It's not a trade meeting," he explained. "It was a pre-scheduled meeting. He and I have never met. That's not a trade meeting. The Japanese meeting [Japan’s trade negotiator is about to meet Bessent about tariffs] is a trade negotiation.”
Ice cold. Then Bessent iced Cuerpo. In the American meeting summary, released six hours later, the Treasury limited itself to saying the discussions were “frank” and that Bessent had reminded Cuerpo that Spain needed to spend more on defense (Spain is near the bottom of the EU, spending just 1.3% of GDP), and that the U.S. didn’t like Spain’s “Google Tax” (a law that requires digital services—usually U.S. giants—to pay 3% tax on income earned in Spain from advertising and the like). In other words, “Spain, you are a bad little dog!”
How “frank” are we talking? Let’s indulge in a little diplomatic speech digression. Frank is basically forward, direct, and a little unpleasant. As an old New York Times article put it, “Frank is the diplomat's way of saying: 'We did not agree on a thing.” Well, at least it wasn’t “Full and frank.” What does that mean? ''It looks like war.''
At least he tried. Back in Spain, OKDiario titled its article about the meeting, “U.S. Treasury Secretary Disses Cuerpo”, which you would expect from a right-wing outlet, but even the pro-government El País couldn’t muster up much enthusiasm in its article about the “hard and cold” meeting summary. It listed all the diplomatic niceties the U.S. didn’t use: “Common interests.” “Joint priorities.” “Shared prosperity.” “Strong ties.” “Importance of the relationship.”
On the positive side. The government rolled out the first €1bn of its loan guarantees for businesses hurt by Trump’s tariffs, so we’ve got that. Right?
More news below. 👇👇
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💬 Five things to discuss at dinner parties this week
1. 🍭 Spain is making schools serve more fish and kids are livid
Healthy food for you, kids! Spain’s government passed a decree at its weekly cabinet meeting requiring school lunchrooms to offer more fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes and fish—and to eliminate sugary drinks and industrial pastries.
Winners and losers. Parents, nutritionists, and the medical profession? Thrilled. But kids? So angry you can hear their stomachs growl.
The lunch line = the front line. In many schools, fresh food is a luxury, and vending machines have been happily pumping out sugar bombs with zero adult supervision. According to the government, nearly 47% of Spanish kids aged 6–9 from low-income families are overweight or obese.
Hurts the poor most. “The school lunchroom is one of our most powerful tools to fight inequality,” said Minister of Social Rights Pablo Bustinduy, who spearheaded the decree.
So what’s changing on the 🍽? The decree sets nationwide nutrition rules—replacing the previous patchwork of regional discretion and cafeteria roulette. Among the biggest shifts.
Fresh stuff. Fruit and vegetables must be served daily, and 45% must be seasonal.
Mandatory toot fruit. Legumes are now mandatory weekly, and whole grain rice or pasta must be on the menu at least four times a month.
Something fishy. Fish must be offered 1 to 3 times per week. This is a radical change, considering 1,200 schools currently serve, like, none. Knowing the kids we know, this may be the bridge too far. Farty beans are one thing, but fish?! 😡
The V’s. Vegetarian and vegan options will be required for students with ethical or religious dietary needs. (If a school can’t provide them? Students can bring a packed lunch—and the school has to store and heat it.)
But, but, but. The worst part (for naughty children like we were) is there's been a junk food reckoning.
No, no, and no. No more sugary drinks, energy drinks, or pastries—either in the cafeteria or vending machines. And packaged foods with more than 5 grams of sugar or 200 kcal per portion? Banned. Like, verboten!
Not ‘no’ but almost ‘no’. Fried foods? Just once a week. And precooked items like pizza or empanadas? One sad little time per month. ¡Adiós, end-of-term pizza party!
Shed a tear for the children. Bustinduy is betting a better school lunch can change a generation’s health, support local farmers, and keep vending machines from serving up Type 2 diabetes with a straw. Just don’t try telling that to a 9-year-old mourning their cafeteria croissant.
Give us a moment to mourn. Schools will have to phase in the changes over the course of the next academic year.
2. 🎞️ RTVE wants to warn you about some films but it won’t tell you why
Spain’s national media company RTVE wants to warn you when some films it shows might offend your sensibilities so you can cover your eyes or gird your loins or whatever you do in such situations.
The offending program. For 35 years, the popular (at least with the olds) program Cine de barrio has been playing Spanish movies (usually comedies) from the 50s, 60s, and 70s (and sometimes beyond!) on Saturday nights.
Those were the days. We all know that those decades, especially the Franco-y bits, weren’t exactly the sensitive Right On utopia of today and, in fact, people back then said and did some things that definitely wouldn’t be cool in our 21st century.
Protecting the sensitive. And so, “in response to various audience requests regarding some titles broadcast on Cine de barrio related to sexist and macho attitudes,” RTVE will be “contextualizing” offending films with a pre-show warning. Like a cigarette warning, but to protect your soul.
But, but, but…really? This would just be an amusing example of cultural nanny-ism except for the warning they chose to run (and only when a film requires it).
The trigger warning. “The circumstances contained in this film are set in a specific era and must be understood within the social context of that era."
And that means… We probably don’t need to (but will) point out that this warning could be applied to any film ever made and therefore means, effectively, nothing.
Wasn’t this about sexism and macho attitudes? By not specifying the reason, the warning could apply to anything. Like, we’re offended by parachute pants and heavy use of Aqua Net hairspray, and that is definitely from a “specific era” — the 1980s.
May we suggest. If RTVE wants to warn about Old Societal Attitudes but doesn’t want to say what they are, it could say, “Warning: The following movie is not Right On.”
Is it to protect people, or… One opinion piece in El Confidencial suggests the warning is meant to remind people that if they like these films, they are terrible. The title? Cine de barrio will remind your grandmother that she's a fucking troglodyte.
Of course it did. Surprising no one, this devolved into a cultural/political argument that played out on X.
Ping. A journalist from El programa de Ana Rosa (which leans right) wrote, “The plan to idiotize society continues unabated."
Pong. To which the president of RTVE (nominated by the PSOE) replied, “What you call ‘dumbing down’ others see as not trivializing physical violence against women, homophobia, or the perpetuation of macho roles. All under a layer of paternalistic humor inspired by the values of Francoism that permeate these Spanish films from the 1960s.”
Which begs the question. If these movies are so bad, why is RTVE showing them?
3. 🗯️ Pilar Alegría is not happy about sexist smear campaign
Spain’s Education Minister Pilar Alegría is at the center of a political storm after being linked to rumors about a 2020 party in a hotel outside Teruel, que también existe, (sorry, nerdy political joke), allegedly involving sex workers and disgraced ex-Transport Minister José Luis Ábalos.
Rumor has it. The original rumor describing an “orgy with ladies” surfaced in 2021 but has seen new life lately thanks to right-wing publication OKDiario, which last week wrote about how Ábalos allegedly brought a van full of “ladies” (euphemism for sex workers) to the hotel and trashed the suite.
Man in trouble. Ábalos, who you may remember for his involvement in last year’s massive facemasks corruption scandal, says it’s all “a blatant lie” and that he’s taking legal action. (And there’s this: No evidence has ever confirmed the claims.)
The hotel speak. Hotel chain Paradores issued a press statement “categorically denying” that anyone trashed the suite that day (but named no names).
Here’s the (tenuous) link. Rumors surfaced that Alegría, who was then the government’s delegate in Aragón (where Teruel is found), had also stayed at the Parador hotel that night. And she confirmed—but she publicly detailed her schedule that day “almost minute by minute” to distance herself from the scandal. (She insists she had no knowledge of any party.)
The way we live now. The rumors were enough to unleash a torrent of misogynistic abuse online against her; Alegría describes the renewed attacks as politically motivated.
Strong language. “For the last 48 hours I’ve been called a whore, a slut and a cocksucker,” she wrote on X on Sunday, referring to the messages she’s received since being mentioned in stories about the alleged party.
Legal response. Alegría says she’s exploring legal action. “There are those who are deliberately distorting the facts to hurt me,” she said on Tuesday (see video above), denouncing the “deafening misogyny” behind the attacks and questioning how such rumors and insults can go unchecked.
Broad support. Leaders from most of the political spectrum came out to support her, from PM Sánchez to PP boss Alberto Núñez Feijóo.
Not good. Sánchez called the attacks “a clear example of the hatred that spreads under the cover of online anonymity,” while Núñez Feijóo also condemned them but also said Alegría should have “clarified her whereabouts earlier”. He also asked the PSOE to show the same concern when PP women, like Madrid regional president Isabel Díaz Ayuso, are targeted online, which is fair.
And then there’s far-right Vox. Because, of course. MP José María Figaredo dismissed her response as “false indignation,” accusing her of trying to distract from her supposed responsibility in the broader corruption investigation tied to Ábalos.
4. 🌹 Catalonia’s Sant Jordi drama: Illa ignites separatist fury
Socialist regional president Salvador Illa (who is against Catalonia’s independence) has ignited backlash from the separatist movement after announcing that he’ll open this year’s Sant Jordi festivities with a public conversation alongside novelist Javier Cercas.
Why you should care. This is a move that critics (i.e. separatists) are calling a symbolic act of “Spanishization.” Which is a hard word to pronounce in any language.
More than a holiday. For many Catalans, Sant Jordi (Saint George’s Day, which this year lands on April 23) is a cultural cornerstone and a day that’s long been associated with Catalan identity, language, linguistic rights, and pride. On that day, people gift each other red roses—and books.
Insult and injury. Illa’s choice to open the event with Cercas, a Spanish-speaking author critical of the procés (the separatist process that included the infamous 2017 illegal referendum) has hit a political nerve. Cercas grew up in Catalonia but his parents are from Extremadura.
Saint who? Sant Jordi is celebrated across Catalonia every year, commemorating the martyrdom of the knight Saint George, who was executed for refusing to persecute Christians in the year 303 (and also killed a dragon!).
Did we mention the dragon? His cult spread throughout the Catalan-speaking regions during the Middle Ages, and in 1456 he was officially declared the patron saint of Catalonia.
So why the fuss? Even though Cercas lives in Girona, he writes exclusively in Spanish and has long rejected the legitimacy of the separatist movement.
As in… In 2021, he compared the procés to the Basque terrorist organization ETA, infuriating pro-independence activists.
It’s about books. While Illa’s team says the April 22 conversation will be about literature, tradition, and unity, many see it as an effort to reframe Catalonia’s cultural identity and downplay its nationalist past.
Cue the angry separatists.
Josep Alay, a close ally of outlaw separatist Junts leader Carles Puigdemont, accused Illa of preparing a “Spanish coven” disguised as cultural dialogue: “Catalonia won’t be dismantled in six months,” he wrote on X.
Francesc de Dalmases (an MP also from Junts) went further, calling Cercas a “revisionist defender of fascism” and accusing Illa of violating everything Sant Jordi represents. 😱
Writer Pilar Rahola, in ElNacional.cat, criticized the event and said: “You want [Catalonia] to be very cosmopolitan, very progressive, to stand up for many things, but also to stop being Catalan.”
Bigger picture. This isn’t just about one writer or one event. The backlash reflects growing unease among separatists that Illa’s center-left PSC (Catalan socialist party) is reclaiming historically symbolic spaces and holidays.
Getting along or loss of identity? Since Illa’s election as regional boss last year (the first non-separatist one in 14 years), some believe his government is trying to turn the page on years of political polarization and bring Catalonia back into Spain’s institutional fold.
5. 🐅 Tiger King, Mallorca edition: Big cats, fake passports and an exotic pet scandal
Fat cats. The big story from the Balearic Islands that didn’t involve overtourism this week? The discovery of an illegal exotic feline breeding and trafficking operation on the island tied to a global smuggling ring.
Intrigue in Meow-llorca (sorry for the pun but had to). Two people were arrested in the small town of Ariany, in Mallorca, for breeding and selling protected feline species, including servals, caracals, and even hybrid cats, many of them trafficked from Eastern Europe.
Guardia Civil officers found 19 big cats on the recluse location, including a purebred caracal, two servals, and 16 hybrid felines. (Have you ever been hissed at by a caracal? Terrifying.) They also seized over 40 animal passports from Russia, Belarus, and China.
Get your cats here! According to Diario de Mallorca, the suspects regularly advertised the sale of “white tigers, clouded leopards, Eurasian lynxes, hyenas, black leopards, and pumas on their social media accounts”. Which is nuts.
Not cheap. People were even willing to pay €60,000 for a black leopard (and for probably having their face eaten).
Only getting started. The operation was reportedly the tip of the iceberg of a larger trafficking network smuggling animals through the Poland-Belarus border.
Cross-breeding. Spain’s Nature Protection Service (SEPRONA) says this network specializes in breeding wild cats with domestic ones to create hybrids (which look great and exotic and are theoretically less dangerous).
Pets? The Guardia Civil says these hybrids are part of a trend popularized in Russia and Ukraine. The animals are bought as pets but often abandoned due to (surprise!) their size, aggression and how expensive it is to keep them.
Why this matters. The EU is one of the world’s biggest hubs for illegal wildlife trafficking. This operation, which involved not only breeders but also transporters, and vets, stretched across borders and shined a spotlight on a troubling trend: the growing market for exotic pets disguised as luxury status symbols.
The arrested couple faces charges of wildlife crimes, smuggling, document fraud, and organized crime, while the face-eating kitties have been temporarily relocated to Son Servera’s Safari Zoo before being resettled in a wildlife sanctuary in Alicante. 🐈⬛
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