đ« EU Says 'Nein' to Catalan
Plus: Melody's messy press conference and El Viso becomes a magnet for celebrities.
Madrid | Issue #104
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Itâs like weâre not speaking the same language
đŁïž Europe to SĂĄnchez: No parlo catalĂ . Is this the butterfly that flaps his whole government to death?
Flap those wings. Thereâs this thing in chaos theory: the âbutterfly effectâ. A seemingly small change in conditionsâlike a butterfly flapping its wingsâcould reverberate through a complex system and cause a massive change in the final outcome.
Thatâs another way of asking whether the decision by EU countries to take a pass on Prime Minister Pedro SĂĄnchezâs bid to make Catalan, Basque and Gallego official bloc languages (i.e. the butterfly wing flap) could end up making Mr Handsomeâs government fall (the outcome)? Inquiring minds want to know.
Letâs reel this one in. To get his government seated back in 2023, SĂĄnchez promised the Catalan separatist party Junts, led by fugitive leader Carles Puigdemonet (Yes, that Puigdemont. Fugitive. Lives in Brussels. Looks like a guy who used to play synth in a Beatles cover band), that he would get Catalan, Basque and Galician added to the blocâs list of 24 official languages.
TriedâŠand failed. Back in September 2023, SĂĄnchez made a big push to have the EU add the languages andâŠfailed. Spain even offered to foot the âŹ132m annual bill. But EU diplomats balked: Would this mean Breton next? Corsican? Russian âïž âThis opens Pandoraâs box,â said one.
Well, the vibe hasnât shifted. Getting shot down by the EU this time might be even harsher, as thereâs no âwe havenât had time to contemplate the ideaâ excuse. (Ed. note: Spain wasnât shot down. Instead, the vote was postponed because Spain was guaranteed to lose. The EU is so polite like thatâŠ)
Big ones say no. Germany threatened a veto. France and Italy also noped out. A block of five others quietly stepped away.
And the little guys. Five others also apparently had doubts, and it seems several were angry at Spain. Why? Word is Spainâs diplomats threatened little Eastern bloc countries that a lack of support could make Spain rethink its defence commitmentsâas in, their troops in the Baltics. âItâs bullying,â a diplomat briefed on the threats told the FT. âAnd outrageous at a time like this.â (Spain said, of course, this never happened, etc.)
Blamus gamus. But hereâs the thing: SĂĄnchez promised Junts somethingâand couldnât deliver. And with Junts being a demanding negotiator and happy to make Spain ungovernable, it would be totally reasonable to see them remove their support and leave Mr Handsome and his gov fall. Right?
Reality steps in, says, âWrong.â But neither party wants elections. Junts would lose leverage. PSOE would likely lose power. And hey, SĂĄnchez did try.
So what do you do? Well, Junts could flame the EU for being full of terrible anti-Catalans, but Junts has the dream of Catalonia being an EU state some day (unlikely, but whatevs), so thatâs a ânoâ. Wait, maybe thereâs another option!
So they blamed the PP. đ„ Thatâs exactly what the PSOE and Junts did, saying the PP had leaned on other European PP leaders to stop the bid (the evidence so far? Cataloniaâs regional PP head said they had spoken to âother partiesâ to explain their position, apparently that the bid was not about defending languages but about helping SĂĄnchez pay his debts). Hereâs how they attacked PP boss Alberto Nuñez FeijĂło, who speaks Gallego, for being anti-Gallego.
PSOE government spokesperson Pilar AlegrĂa. She accused FeijĂło of flip-flopping on Gallego: pro-language in Galicia, anti-language in Brussels. âMr. FeijĂło no longer likes Galician. I say this because when he was President of the Xunta (regional government), he worked to ensure that Galician was completely standardized in schools," she stated. "Now his position has completely changed.â
Catalan regional president Salvador Illa (of the Catalan PSOE, the PSC) went further: FeijĂłoâs lobbying in Brussels âdisqualifies him from governing Spain.â
But Junts boss Puigdemont was the harshest. In a convoluted X post, he kinda accuses FeijĂło of âdisloyaltyâ or âtreasonâ for âconspiring with third countriesâ against the âinterests of the Kingdom of Spainâ. Like he thinks thatâs bad đ€·? (After all, he did lead the infamous 2017 illegal independence referendum in Catalonia).
Let FeijĂło respond. In his famously boring style, FeijĂło simply said that, "In 14 years at the head of the Xunta, almost everything I said was in Galician. How am I not going to defend the languages ââof my country?" His objection to SĂĄnchezâs bid? Treaties have to be changed first, and money: âWe are talking between âŹ130 and 140 million every year.â
So what does this mean? SĂĄnchez still hasnât passed a budget. Junts will ask for something else. Everyone will blame the PP. Again. đ
More news below. đđ
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1. đ«Ł Melodyâs messy post-Eurovision press conference
Donât skip this one. We get that Eurovision is so last week, but on Monday the whole country came to a halt to watch a painfully awkward, 90-minute live press conference in which Melody, Spainâs representative this year, offered a post-mortem on finishing 24th (out of 26) and opened up about her creative differences with RTVE.
It was worse than you think.
First, a recap. If youâre not into Eurovision, hereâs what you need to know about the worldâs most popular musical event:
Eurovision is run by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU), a coalition of public broadcasters in Europe. In Spain, national public broadcaster RTVE (âtelevisiĂłn españolaâ) selects the countryâs entry.
Winner is⊠After winning Benidorm Fest, Spainâs representative in Eurovision must abide by RTVEâs rules and it can demand changes in their song.
RTVE indeed made changes to Melodyâs entry (compare the more âSpanishâ original to the âelectronicâ Eurovision version). Despite a strong performance, her song did poorly. Rumor has it Melody wasnât happy. She canceled all scheduled TV appearances, ditched the RTVE team, flew back home (Sevilla) to be with her family and stayed silent. Until this week.
Hot mess. On Monday, she appeared on TV alongside RTVE Communication Director MarĂa Eizaguirre, and the tension was palpable. After thanking all of Spain and saying she was grateful for the support, her interactions with Eizaguirre were full of passive-aggressive comebacks, mic drop moments and, well, cringe (those of us watching at home loved it, to be honest. Pure entertainment). Letâs review.
Weak! She said the stage production âcould have been a lot strongerâ or âimpactfulâ, while Eizaguirre had no choice but to smile awkwardly next to her and defend the network saying it did âall that it couldâ.
Talk show no-show. She criticized David Broncanoâs hit talk show La Revuelta (which is also on RTVE) for making fun of her need to go back to her family, arguing that mental health is no laughing matter. (To clarify: she was supposed to appear on Broncanoâs show last week and canceled a few hours before it so the production team wasnât happy). She said she was open to an apology from them. They said no.
Regarding Israelâs participation in Eurovision (RTVE is against it), she vaguely answered that all she wanted was peace and love in the world and that she hoped âall those conflicts around the globe came to an endâ (awwwww). When pressed to clarify her position, she said her contract said she wasnât allowed to comment on political issues. RTVE then issued a statement clarifying that this was not true, and that itâs only songs entering the contest that canât be political. Whoops?
Abrazo. To be fair to Melody, at one point she got up and hugged Eizaguirre, thanking her and saying she was âone of the people who had fought the most for herâ.
Cringe. The press conference ended with a Lady Gaga bit, a joke she started while promoting her song (and that ran for way too long). Since Melodyâs English is⊠not great, for some reason she would joke with the press about supposed phone calls sheâd have with Gaga in broken English to discuss Eurovision.
âLady Gaga called me ⊠and told me she was disappointedâ by the score Melody had received from the jury and the public. Then, she said, Gaga suggested: âPĂĄsate los puntos por el ñoco". (In other words, âdonât give a fuck about the score.â) The answer? A forced laugh from those in attendance.
Our take. Spain is now divided into those who say she's a victim of RTVE and those who say sheâs an arrogant, sore loser. We think sheâs neither. Melody is a great performer and did all she could with a song that could have done a lot better in 2010. The competition this year was fierce, and the controversy surrounding the Israel vote didnât make things easier. She lost. Itâs time to move on.
But if thereâs a good update next week? We promise weâre on it.
2. đĄ Real Madrid's new coach moves to El Viso, giving it the highest celeb/mÂČ ratio in the world Madrid
Ever walk through El Viso and think, huh, that guy in joggers looks familiar? You're probably right.
The quiet, hyper-exclusive Madrid neighborhood has been famous for decades as the place where the rich live like theyâre hiding from Interpol. But recently, El Viso has entered a new phase: full celebrity saturation.
The latest? Real Madridâs newly anointed coach Xabi Alonso just moved (back) into his absurdly luxe 920 m2 chalet, featuring six bedrooms, eight bathrooms, a cinema room, a 300 m2 garden, and a pool. Itâs the kind of house where your Peloton has its own Peloton. He bought it in 2017 for âŹ10m and could probably flip it for double that now. But heâs not flippingâheâs settling in. And heâs not alone.
Carolina Herrera Jr. is mid-renovation on her own dream pile.
Amber Heardâyes, that Amber Heardâhas been raising her daughter in El Viso anonymity for two years (minus the occasional Daily Mail-powered pap swarm) since that whole Johnny Depp divorce and trial thingee.
Eva CĂĄrdenas (Mango Home style whisperer and PP boss Alberto Nuñez FeijĂłoâs better half) has reportedly been eyeing listings.
One of the Hinojosas of Cortefiel fame (you know, Spanish Banana Republic) is already deep in a gut reno.
Oh, and we canât forget Banco Santander chair Ana BotĂn and Real Madrid boss (aka Xabi Alonsoâs new boss) Florentino PĂ©rez.
Long and short. If Madrid is now the worldâs #1 city for the ultra-rich, as Barnes International insists, then El Viso is its spiritual capital. Itâs Salamanca without the strollers. Itâs La Moraleja without the desperation. Itâs a leafy, beige, rationalist fever dream where luxury means not being seen. Unless, of course, youâre seen jogging by a herd of journalists. (Sorry, Amber.)
The prices reflect the shift. In just three years, El Viso has jumped from âŹ6,078/mÂČ to âŹ7,822/mÂČ. But thatâs just the floor. Recent sales are blowing past âŹ15,000/mÂČâmaking even Salamanca look, well, reasonably priced.
Green! And unlike the travertine showrooms in Justicia, these are actual houses with yards, pools, and enough privacy to raise a crypto baby army undisturbed.
But really, itâs not just about the glitz. âItâs like living in a little village,â one longtimer told Vanitatis. "Except the little village has a Louis Vuitton pop-up, three international schools, and a hedge fund manager walking his vizsla."
Is this the future of Madrid? Super-gentrification with a security detail and a discreet renovation permit? Hard to say. But one thing is clear: if the real estate agents don't get you, the paparazzi will.
Coming soon. The Amber Heard jogging route, mapped.
3. đ Spainâs getting healthierâjust not skinnier
You know we love a good study, right? Weâre dorks like that. Which explains why we got so excited this week when the INE (Instituto Nacional de EstadĂstica) dropped its latest health survey of Spaniards.
The tl;dr? We like our fun, weâre healthier than we used to be, butâand this is a big butt (ha!)âWE ARE FAT.
We think weâre healthy. Three out of four Spaniards say theyâre in good or very good health. Thatâs up from just 65% in 1987.
The olds too. Even folks in their seventies are feeling better than they used toâas in, the 65-74 group went from 40% to 59%. So: bravo, aging population! You feel great. And you look marvelous.
Not singing in the rain. Galicia, for the record, ranks lowest in self-rated health (at 59.5% good or very good). Possibly because no oneâs ever truly happy in the rain.
We actually kinda are healthy. Fruit and veg consumption is up. Exercise is more common. Sedentary lifestyles are on the decline. Right on, Spain!
Eating đđđ. Daily fruit eating is now reported by 63.9% of men and 69.6% of women (compared to ~50% two decades ago), and even daily veggie munching has gotten trendier, almost doubling since 2001. Since 2014, inactivity in our free time has dropped sharply tooâespecially for women. (Feminism: now available in endorphins.)
Long-living. Maybe thatâs why life expectancy has gone from 79.1 to 82.7 since 2000.
But we are definitely putting on a few. So yes: weâve cleaned up our diets, moved a little more, and quit the smokes. But our waistbands? They missed the memo.
More than half of Spanish adults are officially overweight. Thatâs 62% of men and 48% of women, up from 45% and 34% in 1987. Obesity affects 15% of all adults. Itâs slightly down from 2020, but the scale still tips heavily.
What we talk about when we talk about pain. Here's where it gets more real. Chronic illness is widespread in Spain: 58% of adults report having at least one ongoing health issue. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and chronic back pain top the charts. Women suffer more than men, especially when it comes to anxiety and depression.
A full third of Spanish women report depressive symptoms, compared to one in four men. That gender gap grows with age. And severe depression overall is up 5.5 percentage points since 2020âpossibly because 2020 happened.
Now letâs get to the fun stuff: smokin' and drinkin'! Hereâs where we break one stereotype (âall Spaniards smokeâ, when itâs really just, âall Catholic School student girls smokeâ) and admit another is sorta true (cañas, anyone?).
Daily smoking has plummetedâfrom 32% of adults in 1993 to just 17% today. Among 15- to 24-year-olds, the rate has collapsed from 40% in the 90s to under 14%. ÂĄĂnda!
...Except for vapes. Teens and 30-somethings are now the kings and queens of the electronic puff. About 10% of people aged 15â34 have tried e-cigarettes, with 3.5% actively vaping. Gender gap? Of course. Men love a gadget.
On alcohol: weekly drinkers have declined from 65% of men and 46% of women in 2006 to 52% and 41% today. Daily drinkers are now down to 12% of men and under 4% of women. But! If you zoom in on the last 12 months, there's been a slight uptick. Maybe itâs the housing market.
Also: Spain still drinks more than the EU averageâ11 liters of pure alcohol per adult per year, according to the OECD. (The EU average is 9.2. ÂĄSalud!)
So yes: we eat our fruit and veg. But we stress, we puff, and we pour. We live long, we live well, but increasingly⊠we live wide.
4. đïž American buys town inside nature preserve to turn it into resort because what could go wrong?
Wanna buy a town in Spain? Of course you do. Itâs a thingâand you probably knew that. Friends of Bubble have written plenty of articles about rural villages being put up for sale as Spainâs countryside depopulatesâand the buyers who dream of converting them into luxe retreats. Thereâs a real estate agency, Aldeas Abandonadas (a.k.a. Abandoned Villages) that specializes in selling hamlets in the España vaciada (itâs got about 110 right now!). Heck, even Goop once pushed one as a Christmas gift. (Yes, really.)
So itâs not a new phenomenon, but this oneâs special (and new). Meet Jason Lee Beckwith, an American who just bought an entire abandoned village inside a UNESCO-protected natural park, in Zamora, near the Portuguese border. Price tag? âŹ310,000âless than a Madrid studio. His plan? Turn it into a resort-slash-retreat-slash-hospitality-dreamscape. What could possibly go wrong?
Salto de Castro isnât your average ruin. Iberdrola built it in 1946 to house dam workers. It had 44 homes, a school, a church, a Guardia Civil post, a bar, and a pool. But when the jobs dried up, so did the population (and the pool). Itâs been empty since 1989. (h/t El PaĂs)
Jasonâs vision: a public-facing eco-luxe compound with hotels, long-term rentals, weddings in the church, BBQs in the picnic zone, and room for the locals to swim in the pool. He says it wonât be "Californians in Zamora." Heâs leaving California behind. His heart, and his money, are now in Spain.
That mattersâbecause heâll need a lot of money. Rehab estimates run from âŹ2 million to $7 million, depending on how dreamy he wants to get. And thatâs before the red tape: Salto de Castro sits in the Arribes del Duero natural park and is part of the EUâs protected Red Natura 2000. That means environmental permits, infrastructure fixes, and a not insignificant likelihood of someone eventually saying: no se puede.
But, but, but⊠The mayor is excited. Locals are curious. Conservationists are, letâs say, not thrilled. One former local-turned-ecologist called it a paradise worth restoringâbut only if the goal is slow, community-rooted tourism. The group he splintered from (because ecologists gonna splinter), Ecologistas en AcciĂłn, are more blunt: they see it as another fantasy project destined to benefit private owners while undermining long-term cohesion and doing nothing to actually repopulate Spain's empty core. (Though, tbh, if Jason turns it into a resort, we def wanna visit.)
That's the bigger context here. Spain has more than 3,400 villages at risk of extinction due to rural flight, low fertility, and aging. Half the countryâs land hosts just 15% of its people. And while selling off villages to dreamers and developers can keep buildings standing, it doesnât necessarily bring back schools, jobs, or babies. The fertility rate hovers around 1.1 kids per woman, among the lowest in Europe. đ¶
Still, Jason has hope. He says the goal is to build something inclusive, beautiful, and real. The project is already drawing attention. Maybe this one sticks. Maybe it doesnât. It wonât be easyâtwo others already tried. But in Spainâs race between preservation and abandonment, one thingâs for sure: the ghost villages arenât haunting themselves.
Maybe we should add âbuy a ruined villageâ to our 2025 vision board. đ€
5. đ« Oldest human fingerprint in Europe found in Segovia
Fine. Itâs not the Ark of the Covenant or the lost city of Atlantis (which may also be in Spain btw), but this is still a pretty cool find: Spanish researchers have rocked the world of archaeology after discovering what may be the oldest human fingerprint ever identified in Europe. Even cooler? It wasnât made by Homo sapiens, but by a Neanderthal in Segovia over 43,000 years ago.
The print, left in red ochre on a granite pebble, is believed to resemble a human face and could be one of the first symbolic creations ever made by our extinct relatives.
The upshot? This means they may have had cognitive and artistic abilities far more advanced than originally thought (keep this in mind next time you call someone a Neanderthal).
Why you should care. We know fingerprints are only exciting when watching a true crime doc on Netflix, but this is still a significant find (at least for Palaeolithic archaeology nerds).
Wrong idea. Scientists long worked under the assumption that symbolic thought and abstract creativity were uniquely human traits. This discovery suggests Neanderthals shared those traits, including the ability to create âartâ and perceive meaning in natural forms.
So, not so dumb? This challenges the long-standing myth of the Neanderthal as brutish and unsophisticated.
The discovery. The fingerprint was found on a 21-cm granite pebble during excavations at the San LĂĄzaro rock shelter in the Eresma River valley, just outside Segovia.
The rockâs natural shape resembles a face, and the red ochre dot was placed in the area that might be perceived as a ânose.â That mark includes a full fingerprint, likely made using a finger (probably the index or thumb) that was dipped in fresh pigment.
The research team used advanced methods to confirm that the fingerprint was human and intentional, and the pigment did not appear anywhere else in the shelter (this helped rule out environmental contamination).
Other signs of Neanderthal art already exist in Spain, but this one matters because itâs the oldest known fingerprint associated with symbolic behavior and may represent one of the first facial symbolizations in European prehistory.
Southern Europe was the Neanderthalsâ final stronghold, so discoveries of their past in Spain are not rare. Before the arrival of Homo sapiens, Neanderthals were already widespread across Europe, but their last known populations were in the southern regions of the continent (especially the Iberian Peninsula).
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