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Your Buenos Aires Date Night Database: Palermo Edition

By | [email protected] | May 20, 2016 8:57am

Yet still, we persevere, boats against the current. Read this article!
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So you are going on a date. You met a Facu, a Fede, a Flor, an Agus. Good for you! Way to werq werq werq it, you got your chamuyo on and it worked. Time for the date. Where will you go? Panic sets in.

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Che, we feel you. Where to take them? Not too expensive, not too God forbid “datey.” What if it’s a Monday? Nothing is open on a Monday. Planning a date is a Rubik’s cube of social and sexual anxiety whispering to you “Stay in! Watch Netflix! All three seasons of Orphan Black are there for the taking!”.

Maybe you met on Tinder, maybe you actually met “in the real world.” So retro of you. You are off to a very romantic start already.

No matter how sparks flew – you are going on a date, way to embrace the terrors of functional adulting. Or maybe you have been in a relationship for a long time, and if you stay in and watch the 3rd season of Orphan Black with your boo one more time you fear you might become one with your sweatpants. Fear not. We’ve got this. Listo?

Yet still, we persevere, boats against the current. Read this article!

Yet still, we persevere, boats against the current. Still, read this article!

The Cheap, The Easy & The Relaxed: Your “Local Joints”

They’re good because they’re real man. Holden Caulfield would definitely go to these bars. He would definitely whine the whole time.

Post Street Bar (Thames 1885)

Impress your date here with its buena buena buena onda vibe. This bar also houses a graffiti art shop during the day, and its rooftop is an ode to the world famous muralists of la ciudad de la furia, who have painted its walls with their fantastical visions. It’s a cool place to have a real chat sans your child or your sweatpants with Bae. If you want to put the fire back into your relationship… find somewhere else. I don’t think FernetCola is the solution. Or maybe it is? It is. Fernet is always the solution.

Esquina Libertad (Uriarte 1501)

Same deal as above. It’s an institution, it has a nice rooftop, and it’s chill. Manu Chao vibes, ya know. You can come kick it with Facu and his friends casually, or meet a date for the first time. Pro-tip. The pizza is, as the kids say, on fleek.

Tutti Fiocchi (Gorriti 5900)

So local it doesn’t have a website. Go. This is actually Cheers. Impress your blind date when you greet the proprietor, Gustavo, with a kiss on the cheek and tell him that Tali and Juli, las gringas locas, sent you. He will tell you of our wild tales and you’ll all be playing dice together in no time. Bonus: If you go during the day on a Sunday, Gustavo makes an asado for you right there in the street. You will leave here with new friends to double date with if you are a couple, or if it’s a first date you will leave with new friends even if it doesn’t work out. All you do is win, no matter what.

Cerveceria Nacional (Arévalo 1588)

This city may be all about those Quilmes liters but the craft beer scene is alive and poppin’, and this place is all about that artisanal brew. It’s cute, it’s small and it’s always packed with twenty to thirty-something locals overflowing onto the pavement because there is little seating, which may or may not serve on the date. Empanadas, on point. Papas, on point. Pizzas, on fleek too. On that note, you might also want to try out NOLA (Gorriti 4389), on the other side of the neighborhood, where the fried chicken reigns and the craft beer never runs dry. Same deal, different Palermo. Just as great during the day as it is at night (though you just might not get a table after 9PM. You definitely won’t get a table after 9 PM.)

The Bookstores

Kids. Nothing is sexier than being well-read. And in Buenos Aires, this is especially true. Here’s a list of where you can drink and recite Neruda to each other until the bartenders want to puke into your Campari. Ah, amor sweet amor.

Libros del Pasaje (Thames 1762)

A classic. I mean, Chris Harrison (of the Bachelor, duh) was spotted here so I don’t really know what you could possibly find more romantic. Fine, maybe not a place for a sizzling date, but they have a ladder that goes up the bookshelves and you can swing around like you’re Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”. Turn me up, turn me on.

To the telooooooooo!

To the telooooooooo!

It’s a nice place to browse the deep chestnut shelves and treat yourself to a lazy merienda. I would put this one solidly in the: We Are Married category or It’s The Third Date And I Need To Impress Upon Her My Wicked Smarts Because She Waits A Long Time After Those Double Checks Marks Turn Blue To Respond category. She sounds like a monster.

Vinoteca Autre Monde (Jorge Luis Borges 1985)

Turn up the romance. This chic wine bar also doubles as a bookstore. Buy a glass of Malbec after you point out your favorite volume of Garcia Marquez and whisper softly, “It was inevitable; the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love”. Yep, hot histérico date material. File it under: places to get you laid.

Your Gorriti Classics

Your old standbys. It’s not too fancy, it’s not too casual. It’s the dark wash denim of date venues! Pretend we never made that joke. Moving on.

Tesla (Gorriti 5801)

Tesla, its jam jar lightbulbs and its absorbingly cozy sofa at the back are a safe bet if you’re on a second date or with a regular Tinder lover. The craft beer is lo más (and by that we mean the honey one which is the only one we have tried) and the cocktails are big enough to get you inappropriately sloshed after the first order so get a portion of papas, too. Nobody wants to be chundering everywhere on date número dos. We recommend you go from Thursday to Saturday because that’s when the feel of the place is at its best. Ain’t nobody got time for empty bars and soft electro jazz on a weekday, save it for your New Orleans themed telo room.

Soria (Gorriti 5151)

This Narnia’s wardrobe and its open air jungle vibe is ideal, especially when it’s your best friend’s date and she let you crash it (this is in no way in reference to us. We wouldn’t do that, no.). Dimmed lights, R. Kelly on, Negronis ordered. If you pick the right day, bands occasionally come to play in the back room. You might also want to try its sister bar, Festival, which is a few cuadras down the road, past the train tracks, on Gorriti 5741. Same vibes.)

Marry her.

Marry her.

The “Nicer” Bars

You come here to impress. This is for the special occasions when your date looks like they stepped straight out of an Armani ad – slash you’ve angered your spouse or this is normal for you, you’ve just landed your color coordinated helicopter in town, darling.

Frank’s (Arévalo 1443)

This is swanky date night. Take your date here on a first date, on a thousandth date. This bar is basically the personification of a Weeknd song. It’s a speakeasy you find the bar when you walk into a phone booth and dial the secret code. Magically the back wall of the phone booth will swing open into a plush lounge with expensive cocktails, languid sofas, and sultry people to stare at all night long. If your evening ends alone in your bed after this then that’s kinda awkward for you and we don’t really know, maybe do some deep reflection?

Alternatives: Bradley LTD, Victoria Brown, The Harrison

Bar du Marché (Nicaragua 5946)

However you spin this, it is going be romantic. This isn’t what your chill first date is about (in which case, scroll back up). If you have ever complained about cheese here put your hands up in the air! Guilty. But this little piece of Paris tucked away in the heart of Palermo Hollywood will have you take back the words you uttered and take your main squeeze to bed with you. You are welcome. This wine bar offers a sweet merienda selection of tintos served by the glass, which are matched with cheeses — as in like proper gouda and gorgonzola as opposed to SanCor’s cremoso — by the sommelier. If that doesn’t impress them, take your date through the Hogwarts-style trap door and staircase on the side of the bistro-wine bar for sushi, also known as, Omasake. Let’s recap: a red wine and dairy goodness harmony followed by Japanese-Peruvian fusion. You ain’t gotta die to get to heaven. And if she can’t see that then… time to rethink some things.

Work on your night cheese with another! Bring your snuggies!

Work on your night cheese with another! Bring your snuggies!

Rey de Copas (Gorriti 5176)

Husbands and wives, long term novios, Jay-Z, this is for you all. On a scale of 1 to the spaghetti kissing scene in Lady and the Tramp it scores a strong 9 in terms of romantic. It looks like an unassuming old mansion on the outside, and a cozy Moroccan tent on the inside. The bartenders greet you with a drink gratis if you sit at the bar and whatever else they whip up could possibly have crack in it, it’s that good. Whatever, carry on boys, ignorance is bliss. Wander upstairs, and you will find a cushion strew, fairy lit rooftop straight out of Taylor Swift’s pinterest board. File it under: You’re getting either laid or engaged.

Above all, go somewhere that is you, if you love books, hit the bookstore. Otherwise you will just be uncomfortable. And besides, where you like to hang out is part of who you are, no?

(Rosebar does not define me, Rosebar does not define me, Rosebar does not define me IT WAS ONE TIME YOU GUYS).