It’s Friday again!
And what an uneventful week it’s been. I mean, after going through a midterm election and the shocking ruling of the Supreme Court in favor of the Government’s Media Law, this week felt kind of anticlimactic. It’s almost like politicians took the week of to recharge or something.
So since there wasn’t much to talk about, we were bombarded over and over with photos of Justin Bieber and his entourage of alleged hookers 24/7, because there’s nothing sexier than picturing his sexual misadventures in your head while cooking dinner.
This is what you need to know, besides the fact that Justin Bieber is a sexual machine:
- Cristina fans, rejoice! Everything suggests that this weekend President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner could resume her activities after being out of play for thirty days while she recovered from brain surgery. This means that next week it will be business as usual for the political world. And
“business as usual” means bickering, yelling, mocking and asking “What were you doing during the dictatorship?” to anyone who suspiciously disagrees with you. And everything suggests she will be back with a vengeance, desperate to drink the blood of her political opponents who dared speak ill of her administration while she was away. One thing is for certain: her first back-to-office speech, which will surely include the usual theatrics, tears and epic tone of a Charlton Heston movie from the 1950’s, will focus on two things. One, the fact that she is sacrificing herself for all of you infidels. She is the new Jesus and you should be thankful for that. And two, “Media Law,” “We were right” and “Fuck you very much, Clarín.” The midterm elections are not a thing anymore and Kirchnerism is back, rising from the ashes like a Peronist phoenix. And this time it’s pissed. Be very aware.
- Remember the cacerolazo protests? Those nationwide demonstrations led by “angry” citizens who “hated” Cristina and this Government because it was “full of hate”? Remember how “successful” they were? I mean, they accomplished absolutely nothing but at least a lot of people banged their pots in frustration and could “make themselves heard” (although they all yelled at the same time so they were hard to understand.) Well, turns out that these brave citizens, defenders of freedom and liberty, now have protest fatigue. And just like that, the cacerolazo protests are not a thing anymore. I mean, there’s one going on right now! Are you out there, calling for Cristina’s head or thinking about what to wear for Creamfields tomorrow? Yeah, didn’t think so.
- Two passenger planes “grazed” each other at the Aeroparque Metropolitan Airport, fortunately killing no one but unfortunately worrying everyone. The Government’s official response was: “Give us a break, it’s a small airport.” True story.
- In what’s probably the most important news this week, the National Government announced the discovery of a large collection a files related to the 1976-1983 dictatorship, including the minutes of every confidential meeting celebrated by the military junta during those seven years of government. They discovery also described the criteria to compile to so-called “black lists” that included the names of journalists, thinkers and journalists that were opposed to the military government. The full announcement below:
- The National Government may have won the Media Law war, but the battle is not over for Grupo Clarín, since the largest media group…- wait. Is that how the saying goes? Which is it, war or battle? Whatever, you know what I’m trying to say. Now that the Media Law is being fully implemented and Grupo Clarín is being forced to divest and sell many of its radios and TV channels in order to comply with it. So the media giant has come up with a plan to divide its audiovisual assets into six units.
- And not to piss you off or anything, but you know what’s also not a thing? Inflation. Or it never was. One of those. At least that’s what the Government says.
- The Malvinas/Falklands held an election yesterday and picked the eight people that will be forming their Legislative Assembly for the next four years. With a landslide victory, the islanders voted for 29-year-old Michael Poole, who was born in 1984, two years after the Malvinas War. The Penguin News called his election a new era for the politics of the islands, and this makes us wonder if this could mean a new era for the bilateral relationship between Argentina and the islands. Six of the members in the Assembly were reelected, which means this isn’t an u-turn in their approach to the sovereignty issue but it will still be interesting to hear the opinion of someone who was born after the conflict.
- Jaime Durán Barba, mayor Mauricio Macri’s political strategist in election time is in trouble after saying in a recently released interview that “Hitler was a spectacular guy.” Oops.
- You know how you know it’s been a slow week? When the Government unveils a new world map with Argentina at its center. Historical vindication or something like that. I don’t know, there’s nothing to do!
- Chef and serial mother Maru Botana terribly butchered the recipe for tacos and the Mexican community began calling for her head.
- Corrientes is being slowly terrorized by an invasion of mutant/alien/zombie/African giant snails and there is nothing we can do but accept our fate of dying under their slimy shells.
- Singer and sexual beast Justin Bieber has returned to Argentina for a couple of shows and to continues his quest for the perfect love partner and our own Deputy Editor Karina Martínez-Carter shared a brief moment of intimacy with him (as in exchanged hello’s” at the nightclub Jet. She only caught a photo of the back of his head/his profile in the tumultuous crowd, but apparently that was enough for the legions of crazed beliebers to pick up and post around the internet. She says she is now a belieber. I say she’s getting fired.
- The Buenos Aires Gay Pride festival is upon us and if you’re gay, bi-curious or just a straight person who likes to fish for compliments, here’s Adam Corl’s guide to the gayest weekend of the year.
- And to close this really boring, uneventful week, here’s a video of a drunk woman at the Ezeiza airport. Enjoy.
Have a great weekend, kids.