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The Friday Roundup: May 2nd

By | [email protected] | May 2, 2014 5:53pm


It’s Fri- ugh, who cares.

No one’s reading anyway. Chances are most of you are out of town, enjoying the super long weekend. The second super long weekend we’ve had in two weeks! I love this country.

Also, since this work week was only three days long, not much happened, since everyone was completely checked out since they set foot inside the office on Monday morning.

So consider today’s column to be kind of a public service. Something that I do only because I want you to stay informed.

There are some cool videos though, I promise.

This is what you need to know:

  • President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner once again spoke on Cadena Nacional because what would we do if she didn’t? And no, you didn’t miss anything relevant. Except for this gem:



  • Violetta, Argentina’s current biggest teenage idol and star of the eponymous Disney Channel show, offered a free show in Palermo today for anyone who wanted to join her. According to estimates over 250,000 people attended and danced and cheered and cried with her. That’s OK, it’s not imperative for you to know who she is.


  • Violetta’s show was sponsored by the City Government, and Mayor Macri paid a visit to send his good vibes. And that’s good, because he’s still recovering from his most recent public blunder, which came after he said in a radio interview that it was OK to tell random women on the street that they had “a nice ass.” So in order to seem more like a family man, he approached the teen idol to congratulate her and thank her for her sho- OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE MR. MAYOR, STOP STARING.



  • In Malvinas news (there’s always something about the Malvinas)… you know how we always and almost non-equivocally refer to the Malvinas as the Malvinas and never (ever!) as “the Falkland Islands”? Well, there are a few reasons for that. First and foremost, The Bubble firmly believes in Argentina’s sovereignty claim, and while we laugh at the politics of the argument and all this saber-rattling between our country and the United Kingdom, ultimately we hope that the archipelago will one day return to Argentina. So in this case we follow the Buenos Aires Herald: calling the islands Malvinas is a political statement. But second, it’s self-preservation, man. Can you imagine the reaction if we referred to the them as Falklands? Jesus, it’s bad enough that some people find this website offensive just because it’s in English. “You’re in Argentina, speak Spanish!” some of the chest-beating über patriots will say at the sight of a foreigner writing about their beloved country. (Strangely, these are the same “progressive” and self-professed “citizens of the world” who scoff and criticize the “backward American rednecks” who repeat the racist mantra: “You’re in America, speak American!” Mystifying, is it not?) But I digress. As I was saying, the Malvinas are always the Malvinas. No matter what language you’re speaking. It’s important to keep this in mind. Otherwise you can do like YPF did and refer to them as “Falklands” in an English travel guide. Then just wait for the angry mob to show up outside your house, pitchforks and torches and everything.


  • Oh, and this isn’t the only story involving the Falklands (Haha! Now I’m just trolling you) this week: there’s also this. What the hell!?! A Malvinas islander running for mayor of an Argentine town? THE INVASION HAS BEGUN AND WE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE.




  • You know what seems to be up for discussion again, for some reason? The military conscription. That’s right. The fucking military conscription, locally known as the “COLIMBA.” Why? Well, since no one thinks of the children and they spend their lives watching TV, which leads to video games, which lead to drugs, which lead to first degree murder, it’s time someone teaches them about discipline. Now, the mandatory conscription was suspended in 1995 largely as a result of the murder of Omar Carrasco, which heavily influenced public opinion and led the political class to change the rules of the game. But now, with crime on the rise, some “traditionalists” are saying that what young people need is discipline, and what better way to learn discipline than by spending some time under the strong arm of the military? But fret not, because this suggestion is so unpopular that even mayor Mauricio Macri has said he opposes it.


  • When it comes to the Entertainment section, you know that there’s only one thing to talk about this week, and that is the return of Showmatch, Argentina’s number one television show. Now, for many of you – and especially those who came to Argentina in the last 12 months – you have no idea what Showmatch is. And that is because arrived in 2013, when the show was on sabbatical. In short, Showmatch is the most important show of Argentine television, hosted by Marcelo Tinelli, the most popular (and politically influential) media impresario out there. What’s it about? Well, you take Dancing with the Stars, add B-list celebrities, Jay Leno and Jerry Springer and mix it all with a lot of naked chicks. The result is the most ambitious and over-the-top season premiere Argentine television has seen in a long, long time:





  • Also, One Direction is in town.  I don’t know who they are but I hear they are kind of big.


Enjoy the weekend, kids!