Friday the weekend again!
And before you start sending hate mail because next weekend suddenly you find out there’s no roundup, you should know that I’m going away on vacation because I deserve it.
So better start reading the news and learning about the national conversation because for a full week you will be on your own. Sorry. Consider this a weaning process that is way overdue. I’m doing this for you.
This is what you need to know:
- Well, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is not sitting around anymore, waiting for this whole vulture funds thing resolve itself. She’s had it with all the comings and goings and with people not making up their minds about whether we’re in a default or not or whatever. So this week she went on Cadena Nacional to announce that she was sending a bill to Congress in order to pass a law changing the jurisdiction of the restructured bonds from New York to Buenos Aires and the custodial bank from Bank of New York Mellon to Argentina’s Banco Nación. Problem solved.
- No, wait.You should know by now that things in life are never that simple. Like when you decide to try that acting career and realize that everyone you have to sleep with in order to get a role is ugly. District judge Thomas Griesa didn’t like Cristina’s announcement. He didn’t like it one bit. So in one of his overtly dramatic outbursts, he summoned all parties involved in this conflict to analyze whether Argentina was to be held in contempt. Griesa did indeed say the move was “illegal” but refused to rule Argentina in contempt because the bill hadn’t even been passed by Congress yet. In the end, it was all pretty anticlimactic. Like when Mulder and Scully were about to do it back in the 90s and something always got in the way at the last possible moment, preventing the most celibate couple in the history of television from getting jiggy with it.
- And speaking of hot, steamy sex, one that would be getting laid a lot if he were single is our very own Economy Minister Axel Kicillof, who not only was elevated to “sexy beast” status by the international press a few weeks ago, he has now become a teenage heartthrob in the land of the Pampas as well. I mean, he was already making our very own, free-market-loving Bianca Fernet hate herself for liking him so much. But now he’s pretty much a rockstar.
— ?Silvana?ADN K? (@DoYouLoveMe666) August 21, 2014
- Meanwhile, on the other side of the political spectrum was another personality who served as economy minister of Argentina, but this one wasn’t getting any love at all. Domingo Cavallo, who served as economy minister during the 90s and during the 2001 crisis was attending a conference at the UCA when the event was interrupted by some furious protesters who were trying to, well, kind of like, kill him. OK, maybe not kill him but seriously maim him.
- OK, two things. First, anyone who throws eggs at a politician and yells “Traitor to the homeland!” makes me roll my eyes. I find Cavallo to be a persona non grata as well, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna go all John Wilkes Booth on him. And even he found a way to go down in history with his very dramatic “Sic semper tyrannis!” But “traitor to the homeland”? Meh. Sounds lazy. And second, you should know that Cavallo is largely considered responsible for applying the neoliberal policies that spouted from the Washington Consensus and pretty much destroyed Argentina back in the day. So being egged from time to time is a penance he must undergo for the sins he committed while being in office. Again, I highly disapproved of such a methodology, but not everyone agrees with me.
- In happy news, the Grandmothers of the Plaza de Mayo recovered their 115th grandchild this week. Her name is Ana Libertad, and is the granddaughter of one of the original founders of the organization, who unfortunately never got to meet her because she passed away in 2008.
- The so-called “blue dollar” reached 14 pesos. Those of you coming with dollars are dangerously close to becoming millionaires. Those of us getting paid in pesos are dangerously close to participating in The Hunger Games.
- Two great nephews of Pope Francis and their mother were killed in a car accident this week. His nephew, Emanuel Bergoglio remains in critical condition. The Pope was “deeply pained” by the news and asked Catholics from all over the world to join him in prayer.
- Last but not least, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that everyone in Argentina joined the #IceBucketChallenge madness. And when I say everyone I mean pretty much everyone, except for Cristina who obviously will never do it because she doesn’t wanna mess up her hair. From Messi and Maradona to Susana Giménez and Anibal Fernández. Everyone was doing their best to raise ALS awareness (ELA in Spanish).
- The bad news? As of two days ago, the challenge had only raised 81,000 pesos. So at 14 pesos a dollar, give or take, the ice bucket challenge in Argentina only managed to raise 5,700 dollars. But you know what? I’m gonna take the high road and say that considering how fucked up the economy is, I think 81,000 pesos is pretty decent. Far from perfect, but decent. And if you don’t agree with that, then donate here. Now you have no excuse.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend, kids.