🫨 This Week in Spain: Catalonia's Mess

Also: Killer whales are back and some nuns are raising hell in Burgos.

By @IanMount and @AdrianBono | May 16, 2024 | Madrid | Issue #57

🎉 Welcome to The Tapa, an English-language, weekly newsletter about all things Spain!

🥜 This Week in a Nutshell: It’s been four days since the (historic) Catalonian elections and guess what… We still have no idea who will be the regional president (or how) because the math is looking bad for everyone. One thing is for sure: the pro-independence movement has lost steam.

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This is why we can’t have nice things

🗳️ Socialists Win Catalonia Elections But We Still Don’t Know What That Means

Whenever there’s an election in Spain, appointing the next regional president or Prime Minister (or condo board president) usually becomes a long, messy process with lots of hair-pulling and tears. Last Sunday’s regional election in Catalonia was no exception. So, expect lots of drama 🎭.

First, a very quick review of the election results. In broad strokes, both left and ring-wing “unionist” parties—those who want to remain part of Spain—did well 😀, with 74 seats in the 135-seat regional parliament, while both left and ring-wing separatist/pro-independence parties did poorly 😭, taking only 61.

• Too tired for this: Voter turnout was lower than expected (less than 58%) in an election marked by separatist and political fatigue. Voters in the non-separatist provinces of Barcelona and Tarragona cast lots o’ ballots, while voters in the pro-independence provinces of Girona and Lérida stayed home.

Now, the winners and losers.

Image Via Onda Cero

Big winner. Salvador Illa from the PSC (aka the Catalan franchise of the PSOE socialists) won 42 seats, 9 more than in the last election in 2021. While he is 26 seats short from forming a majority (68), he was still by far the most voted candidate.

• Calling time on separatist push. During his victory speech, Illa celebrated that Catalonia was entering “a new era” (i.e. not one dominated by the indy push) that would be “for all Catalans, no matter what they think, whatever language they speak and wherever they are from”.

• Happy Pedro. This was also a night of celebration for Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez, whose controversial plan to give amnesty to those facing criminal charges for their roles in the illegal 2017 separatist straw poll and the violence after is being credited for calming regional tensions and pushing the Catalan nationalist movement to its lowest point in 40 years.

• Fine, ya got me. Even critics of Sánchez, who view the amnesty as a cynical, unfair and borderline illegal move only made to get the parliamentary votes he needed to repeat as PM, accept that the amnesty “worked” in this situation. Take Pedro J., former editor of the right-leaning El Mundo (and founder of the right-leaning El Español) who basically says, “It’s crap, but at least it hurt the bad guys.”

Big loser. Current Catalan president Pere Aragonès (from lefty separatist ERC). He took a gamble after calling a snap election two months ago and it didn’t pay off.

• Aragonès’s party got beaten like a rented mule, winning only 20 seats (it won 33 in 2021). In fact, it was such a bad beating — pundits and the media are already saying that this signals the end of the so-called separatist “procés” — that he announced the next day that he would leave his job as ERC big man and step back from frontline politics (we presume to “spend more time with his family”).

Somewhat of a loser. Junts, the party of Carles Puigdemont, the former president and current separatist outlaw/Christ figure who led the 2017 referendum, managed to come in second place with 35 seats (three more than in 2021).

• Last separatist standing. With ERC sinking and Junts gaining strength, Puigdemont is now the face of Catalonian separatism so, if anything, this bittersweet victory emboldens him.

• But, but, but… He is like a million miles from reaching a majority, so his dreams of marching into Barcelona on a white horse have been crushed. And that means that he’ll have to retire from politics like he promised he would if he wasn’t election regional president, right? Oh, that would be way too simple. (More below.)

Somewhat of a winner. When it comes to the party that won the most seats, congratulations are in order for the Partido Popular. Led by candidate Alejandro Fernández (someone you’ve never heard of), the center-right party managed to win 12 seats, jumping from 3 to 15. So they’re all running around like Sally Field: “You like me! You really, really like me!”

• We don’t like you that much. There was just no one else. The PP basically got the votes thanks to the disappearance of once celebrated liberal party Ciudadanos, which committed political hari-kari for reasons too sad and boring to explain (think Lib Dems+Cameron, British readers) and went from getting over 1.1m votes in 2017 to little over 20,000 votes this Sunday. So, a trade.

What does this all mean? The separatist movement sunk, that’s what. No matter what Puigdemont may say, the truth is that this is the first time in decades that the nationalist parties will not have a majority in the regional parliament. So why is this happening?

• Fatigue: Some analysts say pro-independence voters are tired of the procés. After 12 years, nothing’s been achieved in terms of breaking away from Spain. This seems likely.

• Insufficiently pure. Others say it’s because indy voters are disappointed that ERC and Junts supported Sánchez’s government nationally. Dubious.

• The youngs don’t care. Younger voters don’t look at separatism as the number one issue. They’re looking at urgent topics such as the drought and access to affordable housing and all that. Also likely.

So what happens now? Since neither party has the votes necessary to govern, the only choice is either a coalition government or a repeat election. In any case, we’re only weeks away from the European elections so expect all negotiations to remain frozen until June 9. As we wait—tick, tick, tick, tick—let’s take a look at the options.

Option 1: PSC (42) + ERC (20) + Comuns (6)

• The only likely coalition. In a perfect world, this would be the easy one. The socialists could join forces with ERC and Comuns to form a broad leftist front and reach an absolute majority in the Chamber with exactly 68 seats. Sure, ERC is in favor of an independent Catalonia but sometimes you can’t have it all.

• But the ERC just wants to survive. Aragonès has already said he’s “part of the opposition now”, because ERC got shellacked and playing nice with the PSOE in Madrid hasn’t exactly helped them at the polls.

• The least bad option. Aragonès and party boss Oriol Junqueras will be deciding which option will hurt the party less—giving Illa what he wants and hoping things get better for ERC before the next election, or going to new elections now. We bet for the first of those options.

Option 2: PSC (42) + Junts (35)

• So crazy it might work…oh, wait, no way. This one is unlikely. Yes, Junts supports the PSOE in Parliament, but that’s just transactional, and even though Illa suggested he would be open to talks with Puigdemont, the separatist leader has already shot down that possibility. Either he’s Catalan Jesus regional president or nothing.

Option 3: PSC (42) + PP (15) + Vox (11)

• 👹 Hahahahahaha. A match made in hell. We’ve just mentioned it because it gets you to 68 votes. But seriously…

Option 4: Junts (35) + ERC (20)

• This man has some serious huevos. Junts’s Puigdemont claimed post-election that he would form a government. How, you ask? Well, the other separatists would vote for him. Okay. Oh, and the PSC would play along.

• Huh? Excuse me? Yup, basically, the idea is that, in the face of Puigdemont’s threat to let the government in Madrid collapse if he doesn’t get what he wants (the PSOE needs Junts’s votes in Madrid), Sánchez would instruct Illa to fall on his sword and abstain to let Puigdemont be king. In short, Puigdemont is saying: “I let you rule Spain, now you let me rule Catalonia”. But this would basically destroy the socialists in Catalonia for years. So, naaaahhhhh…

Option 5: Repeat election

• Gridlock. Right now it sounds like no party wants to make the first move. They have until the end of September to reach a deal. If things don’t work out, then it’s election time again.

• ERC has the key. Analysts say that the only ones who would benefit from a repeat are Puigdemont (who wants all of the separatist votes [insert maniacal laugh here]) and Illa. It really depends on whether ERC sees giving votes to the PSC as the least bad option.

• Slightly more optimistic. We were betting on repeat elections, but ERC is now making sounds that seem more conciliatory. Might be better for their political survival to vote for the PRC, take the hit now, and spend 4 years recovering.

More news below! 👇

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💬 Five things to discuss at dinner parties this week

1. 🚢 So what’s on that ship? Inquiring minds wanna know.

The container ship Borkum sailing toward Cartagena (Murcia) from the Indian city of Chennai got people all hot and bothered. You see, it’s full of weapons. Lots of weapons 💣🧨🔫. But that’s not exactly what’s all hotting and bothery. The question is who they’re going to.

• Nothing to see here. According to the Spanish government, it’s just carrying weaponry for the Czech Republic (aka Czechia). Transportation Minister even published a document on Twitter to prove it. 

• But, but, but… La Red Solidaria contra la Ocupación de Palestina (RESCOP)—a protest group against Israel’s invasion of Gaza (and war on Hamas)—is demanding that the Spanish government stock the ship from sailing on until it’s verified that it’s not taking the arms to Israel.

• Why would they think that? Leaked shipping documents obtained by a group called Fin al Comercio de Armas con Israel (End the Sale of Arms to Israel) allegedly says the ship’s final destination is actually Ashdod, an Israeli port about 30 km north of Gaza. and mention IMI Systems (Israel Military Industries, Ltd.), a public/private Israeli company.

Things got spicy. Spain has historically been very sympathetic to Palestine, and its far left parties have especially been critical of Israel during the war. So they ran with questions about the ship like a dog with a tennis ball.

• Podemos, which was once part of government but now lives in a tiny shack in the wilderness, got especially wound up so people didn’t forget it exists because of its staunch opposition to the war. 

• Yes, but we don’t believe you! After Transport Minister Puente posted the ship documents showing it was going to Czechia, Podemos bigwigs Irene Montero and Pablo Echenique basically both said, “Yes, but where’s it going after that? Israel, right? RIGHT?” To which Puente said, “We show you that it’s not going to Israel, with the documentation that proves it. Now, you speculate that it’s going to Israel through the Czech Republic without any proof. It’s all the same to you.”

• So Podemos filed a court case to force the government to investigate where the arms were going. Which seems to have sent Puente over the edge: “Hours ago we denied that the Borkum ship is going to Israel. We have provided documentation proving that the cargo is headed to the Czech Republic. So, they go to the National Court. It's AMAZING.” 👀

None of this of course settles the question. They could indeed be repacked in Czechia and sent on. One piece of evidence suggests that it won’t, however. The final destination certificate for the arms, which El País saw, says, “It will be used solely for tasks and security of the Czech Republic and may not be used for any other purpose without authorization from the Indian Government.” We shall see.

2. 👿 Nuns on the run—and on Instagram!

tehagoluz

A post shared by @tehagoluz

 Hear the one about the 16 nuns famous for their baking who walked into a room and give the Pope the finger decided to leave the Catholic Church to join a splinter sect launched by a since-excommunicated priest who’s attended by uniform-wearing staff in his 300 m2 apartment—and did so because of a real estate deal gone bad?

• Okay, maybe not amazing joke material, but sorta weird, right?

Well, that’s been the hot news in Burgos this week. It started Monday, when the head Abbess/Mother Superior of the Monjas Clarisas (Poor Clare Nuns) of monasteries in Belorado (Burgos) and Orduña (Basque Country) dropped an incendiary series of communiqués on their brand spanking new website.

• Angry nuns! In a Letter to All, she denounced persecution by others in the Church, focusing on Mario Iceta, the Archbishop of Burgos, and “Rome”, for blocking them from selling their old monastery in Derio (Basque Country) so they could buy the one in Orduña, thus forcing them to lose the contract for the latter one. (Iceta says they got lots of money trouble—but not to do with him.)

• “They are going to call us heretics and schismatics,” she wrote. “Crazy people and many other things, very slanderous and unpleasant. Don't believe them, at least this time, don't let them fool you,”

• Devilish nuns! Another note—a Catholic Manifesto—was even spicier! In this one, the nuns accused the last six popes (including today’s Francis) of heresy, called them “usurpers”, declared that Pope Pius XII was the last true one, and rejected Vatican II (the move to “modernize” the church by, like, replacing Latin with local languages in mass). We’re not exactly observant catholics, but that sounds pretty heavy, right?

• Now we get it! In two other letters, the nuns (or at least Mother Superior) asked to switch their tutelage to Pablo de Rojas Sánchez-Franco, the self-appointed bishop and founder of the Pía Unión Sancti Pauli Apostoli sect—who was excommunicated in 2019 we assume for his heretical church, which has a set of beliefs that is pretty much exactly what was in the nuns’ Catholic Manifesto. 

• And wow does he seem like an “interesting” guy: Bishop Pablo’s Insta includes plenty of Generalisimo Franco praise and asks for donations via bank transfers. He also claims to be a nobleman (though he claims a lotta things). And he may not even be a priest, but rather just a guy who likes to wear rich purple robes and funny hats. We’re not sure. He may not be either. 

Here’s the question. Did the 16 Poor Clare nuns really wake up one day and decide Pius XII was the last real Pope, or did Bishop Pablo take advantage of nuns at a vulnerable moment when they were distraught over a real estate deal gone bad—to get his hands on a monastery? Just asking for a friend.

• The nuns don’t like that people think they’re under anyone’s thumb. So they took to Insta. Like nuns on the run do. 

• One post shows some of the nuns together, smiling, with other people (family?) and a priest who represents Pablo de Rojas. “Sisters called ‘schismatics’ locked up, kidnapped, manipulated and kept away from their families,” it says, mocking that rumor. In another, a nun says they haven’t “left the church” and that they’ll keep telling their story. 

So here’s to another chapter! The Tapa: Your source for ecclesiastical news.

Oh, and the baking? Their bonbones are so good they were featured at the Madrid Fusión food convention.

3. ⚽ A Coruña—and a corner of Chamberi—bows to you, Lucas Pérez

Madrid-based fans of the Galician football teams Deportivo La Coruña—Dépor, to its friends—adopted a small Chamberi sports bar named Canister as their official gameday spot a few years ago. The owner’s take? “No, we’re not from A Coruña. They just chose us.”

• Last Sunday, a few minutes before 9 p.m., Canister exploded with cheers—cheers that were perhaps more building-shaking than those that erupt when Real Madrid wins the Champions League  (we know—we were upstairs). Almost all were wearing a 7 shirt with one name on the back—Lucas. Dépor had beaten Barcelona’s B team 1-0 to win their group in the third tier of Spanish football and be promoted to Spain’s second division. The goal? It was scored by one Lucas Pérez.

• The second division? So? Oh, but this was an epic return from humiliation for a proud team. Dépor had actually won Spain’s top league, La Liga, in 2000, and won the Copa del Rey two times (1995, 2002). But in recent years the team had fallen on hard times, tumbling to the second division in 2018 and the third division in 2020 (and almost into the fourth the year after). The team was down, the city of A Coruña even sadder.

• Seriously, Dépor knows tragedy. This missed out on their first La Liga crown, in 1994, by missing a last minute penalty shot. 

• Which explains why there were 30,000 people watching a third division game at Dépor’s Riazor stadium in A Coruña Sunday. Maybe, just maybe, it would be the moment of redemptive release. And it was! Which brings us to Lucas Pérez…

Lucas Pérez is a local boy, brought up by his grandparents in the working class A Coruña barrio of Monelos, who’d dreamt of being a Dépor hero but had more often been a villain. After playing for Dépor from 2015-2016, he was bought by the much richer Arsenal for €20m. He came back a year later on loan, only to be present for Dépor’s relegation to the second division in 2018. Around that time, graffiti appeared in A Coruña saying “Lucas Pérez money-grubber, fraud”, “Lucas, leave now.” (a neighbor wrote underneath— “Lucas no longer lives here, asshole.”)

• So people thought Pérez was nuts—straight up crazy—when on New Year’s Eve 2022 it was announced that he was giving up his €900,000 annual contract with Cádiz, the first division club where he was playing, to return to Dépor, the club of his heart. Even nuttier? He would pay Cádiz €493,000 to get out of his contract!

• First tears of sadness… His first year back, Dépor made it to the playoffs to return to the second division in 2023, but failed before the finish line. It was not to be.

• …then of joy. This year, however, Lucas Pérez led Dépor to the top of the third division Group 1, guaranteeing them a pass to the second. And in Sunday’s game against Barca B, he scored the only goal on a free kick. It was a beauty. 

• In his words: Celebrating the promotion at Riazor with microphone in hand, he yelled, “They said I was crazy. What beautiful madness!" The celebrations in A Coruña were madness.

This one’s for you, Lucas Pérez 🍻!

4. 🎥 A Grieving Mother’s Case Against True Crime

Eight-year-old Gabriel Cruz was murdered in 2018 by his father’s partner, Ana Julia Quezada. Six years later, Quezada is in prison and Gabriel’s mother, Patricia Ramírez, is making a desperate plea: please do not turn my son’s murder into a true crime spectacle.

• The case was all over Spanish news back in February of that year. Gabriel went missing one afternoon in Almería while going to his cousins’ house. A search party was organized to look for him involving thousands of police officers and volunteers (it is considered to be the largest coordinated party for a missing person in the history of Spain).

• Nearly two weeks later, the police stopped Quezada as she was driving her car into her garage. They found Gabriel’s body in the trunk. She had killed him on the day he disappeared, apparently out of jealousy, and buried him nearby. As the case grew bigger, she decided to dig up the body and put it in her car.

• After her arrest, Quezada confessed the murder. She was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison in September of 2019.

In a nutshell, that’s the case. However, we’ve avoided some gruesome details (especially surrounding Quezada, who pretended to be saddened and in shock as she spoke to the media and even planted false evidence to make the child’s parents think he was still alive).

Now, according to Gabriel’s mom, all of this will soon be turned into a true crime documentary—featuring none other than Quezada herself.

• Please, no. In a series of interviews this week, a visibly broken Patricia Ramírez (see video above) asked for help to stop it and warned that she will take legal action to try to halt the production and broadcast of the documentary, especially because it features interviews with the person who killed him.

• So far, Ramírez has decided not to reveal the name of the production company behind it (and the media has not been able to identify it), but she says she has enough information to know that the show has been in production “for a few months” and that producers met with Quezada (who, again, is in prison) twice last week.

• Ramírez asked to be able to speak before Parliament and the Senate, adding that she needs help to stop “a situation that should have never happened”. She also called for the people of Almería to join her in a demonstration against “audiovisual productions that profit” from her son’s death.

• Cell phone: Ramírez says “a direct source” told her that prison officials had provided Quezada with a cell phone, allowing her to communicate with the show’s producers.

Interior Ministry officials have already announced that they will work with the courts to assist the mother in her legal fight. And Spain now seems to be debating whether this documentary is in poor taste or not.

• If you open Netflix and head to the documentaries section, you will find that many of them are from Spain (the most recent, high-profile one was the Asunta case. And we’re soon getting one about the Sancho case on HBO Max).

The question: Can Ramírez do anything to stop the production of a documentary about her son?

• No laws. As explained in the video above, Spain has no specific regulation when it comes to true crime documentaries. And, victims’ families also don’t agree on what to do (some believe they are a good way to point out judicial or police errors in the investigations).

• Public info. Gabriel Cruz’s murder was “a public case, the trial was also public and there is fully available documentation on what happened,” explains Mabel Klimt, a member of the Madrid Bar Association. She adds that Spain “has freedom of expression and freedom of literary and artistic creation”.

Gabriel’s father, Ángel Cruz (who is working abroad), addressed Quezada directly in a video played at Ramírez’s press conference: “If you really regret what you did, please don’t do this now”.

The search to identify who is behind the documentary continues.

5.  🐳 The Orcas are back and they are so ready to party

Remember all the excitement about orca whales attacking sailboats off Spain? Starting four years ago—in May 2020—pods of orcas, coordinating with whistles, began ramming boats because, like, who doesn’t like ramming a slow-moving boat and chewing off its rudder?

• Well guess what: It’s that time again. A pod of orcas attacked—and sunk—a 50-foot sailboat in the Strait of Gibraltar on Sunday. The Alboran Cognac, was about 15 miles from Cabo Espartel in Morocco when the orcas began ramming it and, while a team from a nearby tanker was able to rescue the two people on board an hour after the attack, they weren’t able to save the sinking boat.

• Our favorite part of this? Spanish newspaper ABC titled their story on the incident, “Orcas sink the first boat of the season in the Strait of Gibraltar.” So now we have orca boat-sinking season? Oh that’s fantastic! 

They keep getting better. Since 2020, there have been 700 orca “interactions” (with boats), according to conservation group GT Orca Atlantica. The 15 orcas suspected to be behind the attacks have been dubbed ‘Gladis’ and we have bad news for you: they are getting more skilled.

• Daniel Kriz was attacked in 2020 and 2023. “In 2020, the attack lasted almost an hour and was not as organized,” Kriz said. “This time we could hear them communicating under the boat. It only took about 10 to 15 minutes.” (We can say we are not excited about these skill improvements; this is not fair.)

• But why do they do it? Scientists say it must be childhood trauma, because that’s why we all act like we do, right? “Some researchers suspect that the orca known as White Gladis suffered a ‘critical moment of agony’ - either being hit by a boat or becoming ensnared during illegal fishing - that flipped a behavioral switch.” Then White Gladis told her friends about how she deals with trauma, and now everybody is doing it.

So far, seven boats have been sunk since the attacks started in 2020. But boat-sinking season just started, so we might get extra lucky and rack up some numbers this year!

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