If you did a list of the things we love here at The Bubble, the top three places would probably belong (in no particular order) to drag queens, dogs, and Capitán del Espacio. To this day, our 2018 deep dive into the legendary cult alfajor from Quilmes remains one of our most read pieces of all time and we’re not shy about linking back to it any chance we get.
Speaking of opportunities to link back to articles from the past… Yesterday, Mr. Mario Diaz, the president of Capitán del Espacio himself, was assaulted and robbed at his home in Bernal by five armed guys who not only beat up poor Mr. Diaz and stole several of his belongings but ACTUALLY TOOK THE KEYS TO THE FREAKING FACTORY.
Now, as you might imagine, I have a lot of feelings about this but Twitter user Marcelo Bersano summed most of them up with the following tweet:
La guerra civil se arma si no devuelven las llaves de la fabrica de Capitan del Espacio
— Marcelo Bersano (@BersanoMarcelo) July 25, 2019
If you need some help in the translation department, the tweet reads: “Civil war will commence if the keys to the Capitán del Espacio factory are not returned.” And while you might think it’s kind of an overreaction, I actually don’t believe it’s too far fetched that somebody would go all John Wick on these guys’ asses if this issue doesn’t get resolved like PRONTO.
Authorities have still not determined if it was an inside job, though Diaz himself was quick to point out that he suspected foul play since the thieves seemed to know his routine and the daily activities of the factory. He also added that he wished to close up shop and leave the country, but that there were 45 families that would suffer from that decision. To top it all off, Díaz sported a big head injury while talking to local media, which you can check out below in case you need any more reasons to feel enraged on this cold, bitter Thursday.
The motives behind this whole sting operation are obviously not known at the time. A disgruntled ex-employee? Maybe. Somebody searching for their secret, legendary alfajor recipe? Perhaps. An elaborate prank gone wrong? Sure, why not? The truth of the matter is that I’m personally invested in this thing now and don’t be surprised if we publish some sort of update on this next week. Oh, and BTW, I think I just found a candidate for our John Wick/Capitán del Espacio spinoff scenario:
Pedazos de mierdas, con el fabricante de Capitán del Espacio, no! Pena de muerte ya a esos mierdas #Quilmes
— eJORK (@jlgaitan) July 25, 2019
Translation: “Pieces of shit, not with the guy behind Capitán del Espacio! Death penalty now for those pieces of shit.”