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Get Ready To Stop Working: Kit Kats Are Coming

By | [email protected] | March 25, 2015 6:20pm

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Get ready to clock-off, because Kit Kat–everyone’s favorite corporately-sanctioned excuse for down-time–is coming to a Kiosko near you. And thank God, because this six working day fortnight has been exhausting.

This announcement follows on the back of Kit Kat’s 2014 success: As well as being Nestlé’s number one international product, it was beaten only by Dairy Milk and Galaxy in the global chocolate-bar popularity rankings. Expect kioskos flushed with Pantone 1795; expect burning polemic centered around consumption etiquette; expect mathematical dilemmas as a third wheel friend tries to scrape in on the spitting of a two-finger bar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQkvdr8SvLQ

Here are some of the other international confectionery products contributing to Argentina’s 3kg per capita annual chocolate consumption. Just in case you were finding your lenten chocolate-abstinence too easy.

  • Kinder Eggs. Charged with dangerously blurring the functional/nutritional object boundary, these delicious treats of dubious cocoa content have been banned from the US (seriously, people have been detained for accidentally stashing them across borders). One nil to the Argentines, who are trusted by their regulating authorities over here to purchase candies containing trinkets with small parts.
  • Hershey’s. The gritty, waxy, strangely compelling novelty acts of the chocolate industry should be available in most supermarkets. And, although Hershey’s wrested production of North-American Kit Kats from Nestlé because of a previous agreement with initial Kit Kat producers Rowntree’s, Kit Kat’s Argentine product should be safely out of reach of its waxy little silver-wrapped hands.
  • Oreos. Another expat favourite that’s divided The People into different ritual-consumption camps. Dulce de leche oreos are a specialty available only here and Chile, so enjoy the sweet, sweet, taste of exclusivity.
  • Cadburys. Available here but, according to anecdotal evidence, joins Northern America in being made according to a recipe inferior to its UK counterpart. Another win for confectionery-based elitism.

Creme Eggs and Haribo are yet to be made available. Tip-offs welcome.