Can’t we all just get along? If you kept up with the tension between animal rights activists and traditional campo rituals at Expo Rural last weekend, you’ll have your answer. And because Argentina has decided to prove to us once again that it’s the most bonkers country on Earth, there is now a video game that lets you get involved on the gauchos vs. vegans showdown. That’s right! “Sunset Gauchers” invites you to hop on your steed, grab a whip, and beat the crap out of as many activists as you can. No, this is not a joke.
In case you’re not up to speed, let’s take a second to recap. The 133rd edition of the Feria Expo Rural took place in Buenos Aires over the last two weeks, transforming the chaotic nerve center that is Plaza Italia into ground zero for all things livestock, agriculture, and heavy machinery. During one of the scheduled shows – dressage, which is basically like a weird choreographed dance between horse and rider – animal activists walked onto the pitch and staged a peaceful protest. The gauchos, in return, aggressively chased them off the field, in some cases even brandishing their whips and causing a state of chaos and confusion.
Los gauchos corrieron a rebencazos a los veganos que invadieron La Rural. pic.twitter.com/t5KlbLO3rT
— ElCanciller.com (@elcancillercom) July 29, 2019
The events once again stirred up the debate of animal rights and climate change, the whole nine yards. However, the serious conversation didn’t last long, as the masterminds behind Shitty Games got to work. In a matter of hours, “Sunset Gauchers” (a parody of Konami’s “Sunset Riders”) was online and ready to make a big old farce of the whole ordeal, because, well, obviously. Oh, and don’t forget the hefty dose of irony and 90s nostalgia.
So, what does the video game entail? Honestly, I feel like it’s too early to have to be writing this, but alas, here we are.
First, choose your player. You can select from three: Fachito Gil, Rigaucho Iorio, or Horacio Guaranismanlomataron. If you couldn’t figure it out, those are snarky af double entendres. Once you’ve done that, a screen pops up, picturing a gaucho drinking his mate next to the image of a plane dropping pesticides on his beloved campo. “A little bit of agrotoxins for their pleasure, can’t you tell they’re having fun? They’re with their friends all day,” it reads, as the screen transitions to an image of cows packed together in a depressing as hell feedlot.
But wait! The vegans are here! “Triggered!!” You’re then invited to “beat the crap out of the vegans, that way they’ll learn who’s in charge.” A friendly reminder: “Don’t be shy, it doesn’t hurt, well, at least my horse has never complained.” But don’t forget! “Don’t hit the jefe because he basically owns your life.” The more fustazos you get in, the more money you make. Depending on how you do, you’ll be compensated by your patrón, (“en negro” obviously) as a reward for protecting your culture from the “diabolical vegans.”
Eager to join in on the fun? You can play for yourself here. Still not convinced? What about this Tweet from this (admittedly random) user that says “[In Argentina], we don’t conquer the rest of the world because we don’t want to.”
Esto es buenísimo. Salió el juego Gauchos vs Veganos. No conquistamos el mundo porque no queremos https://t.co/T9NXAtV8xb
— Tano 🇮🇹🇦🇷 (Suspendido por Gorila) (@La_Iguana_Juan) August 2, 2019