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Electoral Issues That Matter: Political Candidates and Their Favorite Alfajores

The "Catador de Alfajores" Twitter account did the legwork so you don't have to.

By | [email protected] | August 9, 2019 1:39pm

alfajoresPhoto via Fernanda Bonserio

We’re just hours away from the highly anticipated, yet highly unnecessary PASO primaries in Argentina, and though the veda electoral means official campaigning is no longer allowed, one last-minute – and extremely important – topic has been thrown into the ring. Maybe you already know where the candidates stand on issues like social security, crime, the economy, and education (or maybe you don’t know anything, in that case please don’t tell anyone how dumb you are), but there’s one thing you probably are yet to consider. What are the favorite alfajores of each of the candidates running in this year’s elections?

Luckily, Twitter user – and national hero – Catador de Alfajores – came to our collective rescue. Aware that the populace is burning, yearning, dying to know where Macri and Fernández stand on things each side of the saccharine grieta (like, chocolate or maicena?), he took precious hours out of his day to compile what I’ve officially declared the ultimate Twitter thread. Actually, before we move on, let’s take a moment to recall other epic threads that have brought a glimmer of levity to our otherwise miserable lives: the viral quinceañera pics one and the amazing compilation of foreign celebrities doing typically Argentine things.

Each candidate-alfajor pairing has been thoroughly vetted and sources are even cited in each tweet, which makes me think maybe we need more people like this dude involved in politics. After all, there are way too many weird bots out there discrediting politicians and their campaigns across the spectrum.

Let’s start with President Mauricio Macri. What tickles his fancy? Apparently, his poison comes in the form of the Del Montañés alfajor, which hails from Villa Traful down in Patagonia. Ah, I can hear everyone zipping up their Uniqlo puffy jackets already. Mau Mau first fell in love back in 2016 and now makes a point to bring back a box of his own after every trip. Whether he loves them more than his young daughter Antonia remains to be seen.

Moving on to former president and current VP candidate Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, she’s apparently a fan of La Olla de Cobre which is made in San Antonio de Areco, traditional gaucho stronghold in the Buenos Aires province. The brand is sort of a cult favorite and has been around for more than 40 years; CFK reportedly gets them straight from Areco mayor Paco Durañona, and she’s been known to gift them to visiting foreign dignitaries like Dilma Roussef and Xi Jinping. Diplomacy through diabetes, what a concept.

We skipped over Alberto Fernández because sadly, the news isn’t good. The guy who has a drag queen, cosplaying son (cool!) and a purebred dog that boasts an unusually popular Instagram presence – wait, you might want to sit down while you read this – doesn’t actually have a favorite alfajor, because he doesn’t eat them [insert Peronist scream here]. Apparently he likes to eat “healthy” and prefers grapefruit juice (!!!!!!). I honestly think this might encourage many voters to reconsider their position before heading to the polls on Sunday, because what’s more popular in every sense of the word than shoveling an alfajor into your gullet? Al, you’re killing me.

Next up we’ve got Roberto Lavagna and José Luis Espert. We’re putting them together because they like the same alfajor – the classic, the timeless, the reliable JorgitoBut wait! We’ve got *another* health nut on our hands: Espert is a self-confessed fan of the chocolate-dulce de leche treat, but because he’s “on a diet” he’s had to stop eating them. What’s up with all these old white dudes that think they can run a country but aren’t able to indulge in a sugary snack every now and again? Suddenly all of this feels very bleak.

I’m going to be totally honest, I actually forgot about Nicolás del Caño until I started writing this article, so I guess that says a lot (or, not). Anyway, his fave alfajor is the Suchard. Plot twist! The variety he likes – dulce de leche – isn’t made anymore, as it was discontinued in 2017 after just three years on the market. Kind of sucks to be del Caño, then; he’s both forgettable and unable to stress eat his preferred treat while on the campaign trail. Sorry bro.

Rounding out the thread, we come to Myriam Bregman. This is a pretty divisive choice, so try to control yourself if you’re not in agreement, OK? My girl Myr is apparently a massive fan of the Vauquita alfajor de arroz. I mean, I can’t believe you can even call that an alfajor, but fine, whatever. It’s like I’m not going to call a “sausage” made from soy protein a chorizo vegano, I’m just not. It’s not the same thing. Myriam, you’re really letting me down. Oh wait, according to the thread, she used to fuel her all-night study sessions at UBA Law School with Guaymallén, so I guess I’ll forgive her – for now.

Do you feel enlightened now that you possess this essential, life-changing knowledge? Yes? No? Bueller? Who cares! I don’t even vote in this country so I guess this is just a way to distract myself from the non-stop overwhelming stress that has permeated the world of media and journalism for the last year and change. And I’m still wondering why no one on this list says that Capitán del Espacio is their number one choice.