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Breaking: Legally Naming Your Kid ‘Messi’ Could Soon Be a Reality

By | [email protected] | September 9, 2014 1:31pm


You may recall that a few months ago we did a piece on how after winning the 1986 World Cup, Argentina saw a dramatic increase in the amount of babies named Diego, as new parents all over the country were still savoring the sweet football victory achieved in large part thanks to Diego Maradona. Well, those days are gone and the population has gotten more sophisticated and exquisite when it comes to picking a baby name. I don’t know, but ever since Gwyneth Paltrow decided to name her baby “Apple” things haven’t been the same around the world.

So it’s only natural that current fans of Lionel Messi now think that the name “Lionel” is too pedestrian and it’s time to go for the next best (and obvious) thing: calling your baby “Messi.” And why not? He’s a good looking fellow, with a chiseled jaw, steel abs, and and pretty impressive resume. I would totally call my baby “Messi” in an instant if I didn’t consider it to be a devastatingly stupid idea. Unfortunately, the never-ending bureaucratic monster that is the National Government bans us from behaving like a capricious 12-year-old and believes that using a last name as a first name is a bad idea, therefore it is considered illegal.

But things could change very soon, all thanks to a brave father from the province of Río Negro who was brave enough to challenge the system and requested to be allowed to call his son Messi Daniel Varela. And surprisingly, they said yes.

“I called him Messi because he’s my idol. I didn’t know mine was the first case in Argentina, although I had to ask for authorization to register my baby’s name,” little Messi’s father said, nonchalantly. So basically all he did was ask for permission and “after ten days” the Government said yes? That doesn’t sound very illegal to me then!

Messi’s father (who is not the father of the actual Messi) said that he had to wait a long time for this, since his first two children were born female, surely a horrible disappointment.

Of course, this case has the Association Against Ridiculous Baby Names (I just made that up, by the way) in disarray since some fear that this could set a dangerous precedent and parents could start naming their kids whatever they want. So government officials were quick to react to this story and warn that using a last name as a first name is illegal because “it can lead to confusion,” although they did admit that this latest case in Río Negro could “set a precedent for change.”

The head of the Civil Registry in the Santa Fe province (where the real Messi is from) said he was “surprised” by the decision and many fear this could trigger a wave a thousands of babies around the country being named after the football superstar. The upside of this? Nobody will be calling their baby “Einstein” or “Schrödinger” or one of those complicated last names, first because they are hard to spell, and second because nobody gives a shit about who they were.

Football. Fuck yeah.