Ahead of the Rio Olympic Games this August, the Health Ministry is advising Argentines traveling to Brazil to prevent the spread of the Zika virus by not giving blood for up to four weeks after returning to the motherland and practicing safe sex or celibacy while visiting the cold, dreary country full of pasty people no one wants to sleep with anyways. No problem, just pent it all up inside, Argentina, this will be just like high school.
Though these precautions and warnings have been circulating since Zika first appeared last year, the risk itself is predicted to be minimal if people heed the safety measures. The Brazilian Health Ministry reminded tourists that, “… the period during the Olympic Games will actually be winter in Brazil, when the transmission of diseases hosted by Aedes aegypti, like Zika, are at their lowest level… Between February and May this year, cases have decreased by 87 percent. There is therefore no evidence or reason to cancel traveling or participating in the competitions.”
Studies from the University of Cambridge, the Center for Disease Control and an emergency session at the World Health Organization itself support these conclusions and have found that that few cases will result from the games and that, “The individual risks in areas of transmission are the same whether or not a mass gathering is conducted, and can be minimized by good public health measures.”
Part of the good public health measures means safe or ideally, no sex. The WHO and the Argentine Health Ministry asked people to abstain all together, “for at least eight weeks after their return. If men experience symptoms of Zika virus disease, they should adopt safer sex practices or abstain from sex for at least six months.”
Some might say this is a tough call during the Olympic games for not only tourists but the Olympians themselves, who notoriously have hedonistic good vibes all the time with their gelatinous bodies no one wants to look at, why is this even televised? Fun Olympic Sex Fact: in 1988, the Olympic Committee had to ban outdoor sex in the village after finding too many condoms on the rooftops. Bonus Fun Olympic Sex Fact: During the last summer games, they distributed over 150,000 condoms in the village alone. The Olympics:
where everybody gets a medal/ you don’t need a gold to get your happy ending/ work on this joke! insert your own dirty/not-as-hilarious-as-you-think joke here.
Despite these findings from the WHO and other institutions, tourists and athletes alike have shown strong reservations about traveling to the Latin American nation this summer. In a survey conducted by Allianz Global Assistance, 71 percent of US citizens did not want to travel to the games due to Zika virus. This has been echoed among a few athletes, including US cyclist Tejay van Garderen and Northern Irish golfer Rory Mcilroy, who have both dropped out of the games.
The games are scheduled to proceed as normal and 450,000 free condoms to be distributed from August 5th to the 21st.