Is nothing sacred anymore?

Turns out now when you go to the chino to get some condoms you have to be very careful if you’re going for the Prime brand, since you could be getting some cheap-looking, low quality counterfeits.

That’s right. Fake Prime condoms.

According to a resolution published today in the Official Gazette, the Food, Drug and Medical Technology Administration (ANMAT) has banned the use and sale of five different “apocryphal” kinds of Prime condoms, since after some close inspection they detected that “several batches (lotes) presented “visible differences with the original products, both in color and width”.

So if you find yourself in one of those unfortunate situations in which you’re about to get lucky but then realize you’re out of condoms, these are the ones you should stay away from when running downstairs in your underwear to buy some:

  • Prime Extra Lubricado con acción natural x 3, Lote 10715H649, Manufactured 05/11, Expired 07/14
  • Prime Ultrafino Como Usar nada x 3, Lote 20523I160, Manufactured 02/12, Expires 02/17
  • Prime Súper Fino Sensación Natural x 3, Lote 20418I075, Manufactured 08/11, Expires 08/16
  • Prime Ultrafino Como Usar Nada x 3, Lote 20910I404, Manufactured 06/12, Expires 06/17
  • Prime Súper Fino Sensación Natural x 3, Lote 21114I488, Manufactured 07/12, Expires 07/17

Picture yourself. Horny, semi-naked at the kiosko after midnight and asking the clerk if you can take a look at the lote, just to make sure you’re not getting some crappy product that’s gonna break right in the middle of intercourse. Sounds fun, no?

The company distanced itself from this incident, claiming that it had already reported to the authorities about customer complains. People mostly said that the condoms “smelled funny” (ew), that they were “difficult to unroll” and looked “darker than usual”.

Prime says it has already replaced two of the batches in question with new, original ones. Meanwhile, the ANMAT and the Health Ministry are warning customers to remain vigilant, just in case.

I guess now those of you looking to “feel nothing” when having sex will have to deal with a non-literal pain in the ass.

Be responsible.