It’s Sunday again!

Well, for me at least. For you it’s already Monday, since you still don’t remember that this comes out on Sunday nights and only read it because you come across a link to it on your Facebook feed. That’s OK, I’m not holding that against you. I know change takes time and re-educating your brain will require more than just a few posts on Facebook.

It really has been an uneventful week. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm, since all Latin American presidents are flying to New York to attend the UN General Assembly this week and we will once again be subjected to awkward stares between Argentina and the UK, boring speeches about weapons of mass destruction and chastising sermons about privacy. But if that’s the price we need to pay in order to maintain peace and the illusory forms of international order, so be it.

This is what you need to know:

 

  • So what?” you’re probably saying. SO WHAT?! Are you crazy? This is outrageous and infuriating! I mean, I’m not sure exactly why, but this is without a doubt the scandal of the week. While attending a ceremony in Ezeiza, Cristina decided to show up wearing black tights. A wardrobe decision that for some reason turned the anti-Kirchnerite press into a pack of merciless rabid dogs who couldn’t wait to tear her apart for her decision. Sure, the angle was that “Twitter was on fire” with her NSFW appearance, but the core of the story was that Cristina wore tights, a clear violation of presidential protocol and quite possibly the Geneva Convention. All major anti-Kirchnerite news outlets covered her tights: here (Clarín’s piece is my favorite,) here, here, here and here. While the pro-Kirchnerite media accused the anti-Kirchnerite media of focusing on irrelevant facts in order to distract attention from what the ceremony was about. The “controversy,” fabricated in order to click-bait the hardcore Cristina-haters sunk to even lower levels when only 24 hours after wearing the audacious garment, some guy recorded a song about it. A catchy cumbia written by a (probable) construction worker that would make Simone de Beauvoir want to shoot itself in the face.

 

  • Let me know when you’re done cringing/laughing.
  • Done? OK. This stupidity was (I hope) put to rest today by Cristina herself when she took to her Twitter account to criticize Clarín and La Nación for their “extensive” coverage of Tightsgate.

Once again La Nación and Clarín, worse than ever.” And she wrote “que” as “q,” which I hate, but I’ll let it slide. This time. “Now it’s Cristina’s tights. It used to be about me wearing designer clothes. Now it’s about tights and protocol.” 

Could some tights cause so much trouble? Not at all, the goal here was doing something else. They clearly had to talk about tights…

“…Instead of talking about the formidable reconstruction of a Peronism icon: the Ezeiza woods Recreation Center.”  

As you’ll see, on top of lying and hiding, now they have added foolishness (for not saying something else).

Tights and laughs. Not bad at all. Vade retro stupidity.”

  • I know it’s not common for me to agree with the President, but on this occasion I couldn’t be more supportive. If you ever needed proof of the mainstream media’s slow descent into the land of stupidity and it’s editorial decision to appeal to the most basic human feelings in order to get more clicks, here’s your smoking gun. A story like that is something you would expect to read here on The Bubble, not the mainstream media. It’s anecdotal, like when Cristina does one of her silly dances on stage. We laugh—some with her, some at her—and move on. But from there to selling the fact that she wore tights as a serious breach of presidential protocol and therefore additional and indisputable evidence that she doesn’t give a fuck about anything (and let’s not fool ourselves, that’s the meta-message in those stories), that’s quite a stretch. And that’s OK, because it gives us more to talk about. /endrant 
  • Cristina also used the expression “vade retro.” Extra point for her.

 

  • Meanwhile, high school students in the city are once again taking over their schools and turning them into a Lord of the Flies-like community in a struggle that is not surprisingly against one of Mayor Mauricio Macri’s controversial education plans! No, this time it’s against a nationwide plan put forth by the Federal Council of Education to significantly reduce the amount of specialized fields of study. So the students engage in relatively controversial activities, like taking their principal hostage, a move that seems totally inspired by an 80s movie.
  • Oh, relax. They didn’t actually kidnap him. See? He said “I’m not a hostage,” right from the school where he was being held captive.
  • And speaking of people being held captive, Argentines are up in arms against Vladimir Putin this week. Sure, we may have loved him up until last week after he single handedly stopped an attack in Syria and granted political asylum to global hero Edward Snowden (in this country we love anyone who sticks it up to Uncle Sam), but that was until his government arrested Greenpeace activist Camila Speziale, a 21-year-old who was protesting the exploration of petroleum in the Arctic Sea along with 29 other activists. The problem is Camila could be facing terrorism charges, for which several protests have been staged in front of Russian embassies all over the world, including the one in Buenos Aires. Huh. I guess Russia was not the human rights paradise we all thought it was. Who’d have thought?
  • Yes, I’m being sarcastic.
  • Domestic Trade Secretary and Gatekeeper Overlord of Lake Avernus, Guillermo Moreno, got slapped in the face (figuratively) this week by Judge Claudio Bonadío, who accused him of “abusing his powers by threatening financial analysts into silence by fining them for publishing inflation statistics.”
  • Oh, great. You though just because there was no Dancing with the Stars this year we were safe from the Marcelo Tinelli-centric media? Well, you’re wrong. Turns out he’s going to be a dad even though he’s like a million years old. So for the next eight months get ready for an endless stream of in-utero photographs being crammed down your throats by newspapers, TV shows, websites and radio programs. Yes, even radio programs. I don’t know how that will work; you figure it out.

Happy Monday, kids.