It’s Friday again!

And it seems winter has finally arrived, not that any of us was looking forward to it, considering last summer sucked.

So this is how it starts. The cold mornings, the chilly wind, the overcrowded Palermo Starbucks and the depressing need to sit indoors whenever you go out for dinner.

I’m not a fan of the winter. I love the snow, but Buenos Aires in the summer? There’s no comparison. So excuse me for disliking the early sunsets, the naked trees and the condensation on the windows.

That’s right, winter sucks.

But now that I’ve covered my weekly quota of small talk about the weather, this is what you need to know:

 

  • President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner and City Mayor Mauricio Macri seem to have gone from sworn enemies to sworn frenemies and we weren’t even paying attention. That’s right, both of them were seen together at the official opening of the new Facebook offices in Retiro this week, where they took selfies and signed their wall and stuff. We covered it in detail here. But the big reveal was that they both met in person recently because Macri wanted to discuss grain export duties with the President. She saw his proposal and said “thanks but no thanks.” Hey, at least she didn’t shoot him. That’s progress. Weirdly, the President said that while he has the best intentions at heart, his information was inaccurate. And this is huge. It’s like Harry Potter cozying up to Lord Voldemort (who’s who in this situation, that’s up to you to decide.) So this sudden detente is raising some red flags and some in the UCR party are already saying they’ve made a pact because “Macri is the best candidate in the opposition.”

 

  • Are you still there? Good. Whenever I check and realize that you’re still paying attention, you should know that you make me very proud.

 

  • Cabinet Chief Jorge Capitanich headed over to the Senate this month again in order to brief senators in the Upper House about what the administration is doing, as mandated by the Constitution. Things didn’t go very well, especially when he was asked about the poverty rate and rising security by opposition officials.

 

 

  • Ah, Kirchnerism. The perfect hideout for altruistic, good-hearted people and fauxgressives alike. Since rising to power in 2003, the Victory Front party, the political movement inaugurated by Néstor Kirchner, has been lauded as a new hope for Argentina and the root of all evils by supporters and detractors. In the last couple of years, and after President Fernández de Kirchner’s power began to wane, this center-left political party has been sending mixed signals, as it suddenly seems to pick center-right solutions to address some of the population’s concerns. This sudden relaxation in their seemingly ultra progressive stance seems to be putting some cracks in the system and leading to unexpected outbursts of hard-lined conservative discourse. The latest example? The head of the Victory Front caucus in the Senate, Miguel Angel Pichetto. Dubbed “the Argentine Frank Underwood” (don’t ask) by many, Pichetto made the headlines this week after making some controversial statements during a radio interview, when he was discussing the relation between immigration and crime, the senator said there had to be a “serious, non-xenophobic debate between the Executive and the Judiciary system” in order to amend the deportation regime and deal with foreigners who have been indicted in a crime, so they can be sent back to their home countries pronto. And he mentioned the Senegalese refugees who come to Argentina as an example. “Where are they? I don’t see them working in construction sites. I see them selling cheap stuff on the streets.” BOOM.

 

  • Nothing celebrates the return of high-quality television like a glorious head-butt to someone guy’s groin.

 

 

  • Oh, and speaking of Bailando por un Sueño (the dim-witted, distant cousin of Dancing with the Stars), this week we all witnessed how the show’s host Marcelo Tinelli hired the ex-wife of Cabinet Chief and national lawmaker Sandra Mendoza to join the regular cast of his show this season. And he did it via Twitter, sending the local twitteratti into a frenzy. The story gained nationwide notoriety because, like I said, we are not talking about someone from show business. No, we are talking about the ex-wife of Argentina’s Chief of Staff, who also happens to be a congresswoman. Dancing on national television, surrounded by bikini-clad women and jokes in poor taste. Everyone joined the discussion, including one of Capitanich’s daughters, Guillermina, who didn’t sound too happy about it.

 

 

 

 

 “Cut the bullshit. I seriously can’t believe how they set up a circus about something that will never happen. And they think it’s funny when in fact it’s ridiculous to see them making fun of someone that way.”

 

  • But (un)fortunately that wasn’t the end of it. Controversial social movement activist and serial tweeter Luis D’Elía decided to criticize Tinelli for his decision to hire Mendoza, a move he saw as a big finger up the National Government’s ass. But his poor choice of words didn’t help.

 

“Marcelo Tinelli is a cynic and a misogynist who mocks Jorge Capitanich through his mentally ill ex-wife.”

 

 

“Cynic Marcelo Tinelli mocks Jorge Capitanich through his mentally ill ex-wife. Whoever enjoys this garbage is perverse.”

 

 

  • Ouch. D’Elía’s tough words probably referred to the several rage-infused episodes surrounding Mendoza in the months previous to her divorce. And now, thanks to the magic of the Internet, turns out Mendoza read D’Elía’s tweets and decided to reply. Via Twitter, obviously.

 

 

“I’m not mentally ill, Luis. I’m surprised you’d say that since you know me. It would be good if you called me.”

 

  • D’Elía had nothing. And after his tweets were picked up by the media, he was doomed:

 

“I’d like to publicly apologize to you Sandra, it’s just I get excited whenever I come out against Marcelo Tinelli, a misogynist with a deep disdain for others.”

 

  • Huh. Well, whatever works for you man. Oh, and unfortunately we learned today that Mendoza will not be joining the Bailando por un Sueño cast. Once again we were all just being trolled by Tinelli, who got exactly what he wanted: for Capitanich to be asked about this whole scandal during his early morning press briefing this week.

 

 

  • Oh, and that’s not all. Tinelli also hired a Capitanich impersonator to dance on his show. Never – ever – go against him.

 

 

 

  • Argentina has joined the international community and demanded that the Boko Haram Islamist organization in Nigeria releases the more than 200 teenage girls it kidnapped last month in the middle of the night.

 

 

 

 

  • *rolls eyes* Jesus, no. Of course they didn’t say that. It’s a joke, people.

 

 

  • Speaking of cabs, it was Cab Driver Appreciation Day (?) this week and mayor Mauricio Macri decided to hop on a cab an share an “informal” chat with a cab driver to get some of that infinite wisdom local cab drivers are known for. Also, they vote for him.

 

 

 

 

  • Last but not least, you know that Diego Armando Maradona and I don’t see eye to eye on anything, and that’s mostly because he doesn’t even know (or care to know) I’m alive. However, congratulations are in order because he seems to be leading a healthy lifestyle and it shows. Here he is, showing off his new body.

 

 

(Photo via Infobae)
(Photo via Infobae)

 

  • Awesome, yeah. Next time his shorts should go a little higher since right now he’s dangerously close to pulling a James Franco. But all in all, I’m happy to see that his choosing exercise over drugs. Drugs are bad.

 

  • Sweet mother of God. I’ve become my grandmother!

 

Enjoy the weekend, kids.