It’s Friday again!
And no matter what happened this week, all eyes were on President Mauricio Macri and his trip to Davos, where he finally managed to pry Argentina from Kirchnerism’s cold, dead hands. You may have heard recently (especially on social media) that with our country returning to the World Economic Forum, our long national nightmare was finally over and Argentina was no longer “isolated from the world.”
Was Argentina isolated from the world? Nah. From the western world, maybe, since the US and Europe were treating us like that rebel teenager who is going through an awkward phase and is too old to sit at the kids’ table and too young to sit at the adults’ table during a fancy family dinner. You know what I’m talking about. “Stop it, Zachary! Where are your manners, young man?” That’s us. We were totally Zachary.
So Zachary, in an effort to channel James Dean and Che Guevara, decided to start hanging out with the bad boys from the wrong side of the tracks. China, Russia, Iran, Venezuela. You know. The ones who cut class to go to the parking lot and smoke.
But now that’s all over now. Argentina has a new President and the adults’ table has been waiting for us with semi-open arms. We’re part of the popular crowd again. Yay, adolescence!
This is what you need to know (and please don’t you ever let me teach an International Affairs class. Like, ever.)
- President Mauricio Macri flew to the World Economic Forum in Davos in an effort to woo investors back to Argentina and show the western world that we’re actually not so bad. He brought Peronist and former presidential opponent Sergio Massa with him to also prove that despite our differences we can all still love each other and work together towards a common goal. (Except for the Kirchnerites, of course, who are still marching and screaming everyday while trying to decide whether we’re living in March, 1976 or September, 1939. Either way, they are not happy with the new government.)
- Macri met with all the big names present in Davos and was seen smiling all over the place. Joe Biden praised the fact that Macri and Massa were together despite being opponents. David Cameron was all like, “let’s be friends but you touch the Malvinas and I will block you on Facebook” and Coca-Cola’s CEO said he would invest a billion dollars in Argentina, which is not a surprise since we consume an insane amount of soda here.
- However, not all is quiet on the western front. The vulture funds are still being a bunch of assholes, unwilling to move an inch from their position and Macri has admitted that negotiations haven’t been very prosperous so far.
- Also, he says he’s opening the door to the IMF once more. Yay! But the IMF says Argentina’s GDP will shrink by 1 percent and that we will be facing a “slight recession” this year. Which is totally not surprising.
- Speaking (or not) of the Malvinas Islands, it looks like the Kelper government is looking for a CEO to handle their economy. Like, literally a CEO. And former Argentine ambassador to the UK Alicia Castro (who was replaced this week), is not very happy with the way Macri handled the whole Malvinas sovereignty thing.
- In other news, Macri hopes the US will no longer require Argentines to get a visa before visiting.
- And Europe is now getting Argentine beef again. Because nobody can resist our charm.
- Meanwhile, in Argentina… CHAOS!
- OK, not chaos, but when compared to the quiet, snowy peaks of Davos, things here feel like we’re in hell. I mean, read this:
- There’s a dengue epidemic.
- Rent in Buenos Aires is impossible.
- Argentina can now shoot down planes if they are suspected of carrying drugs.
- Milagro Sala is still in jail.
- There could be a shortage of Fernet.
- A dog sat on the presidential seat.
- Higher denomination bills are coming, but the design is upside down.
- And on top of all of that, football is still around. At least Sam Kelly seems to be crossing over to the dark side and is now hating on football too. Which is slightly encouraging. Maybe there’s hope.