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Bust out the booty shorts and order that family-size bucket of glitter — Argentina’s gay pride parade, or Marcha del Orgullo as the locals say, is poised for its annual takeover this Saturday, November 7th.

There has been a lot of talk among conservatives the world over regarding the “gay agenda.” I usually joke that if gays were to actually have an agenda in the works it would involve many more brunches and far less brainwashing of vulnerable youngsters than the average conservative pundit might want to have you think. That being said, in addition to brunch there are in fact still a few legitimate causes on the collective homo agenda: namely promoting societal acceptance (instead of basic political tolerance) and fighting for laws protecting people from discrimination on a national level.

While not the most obvious form of activism, celebrating queer identities with glitter, drag queens and go-go boys is the kind of political resistance anyone can get behind. We’re here, we’re queer and we want to day drink for our rights damnit. Put that on a bumper sticker, sister.

It’s easy to forget around your fourth mimosa that at the heart of this cluster flock lays a legitimate political cause, one that in light of activist Diana Sacayan’s murder and the attack of two gay men in Mar del Plata is still a fight the community and its supporters need to heed as mattering. Argentina is an undeniable leader in promoting LGBTQ rights. It’s our job to push policy makers to maintain this country’s position as a regional leader and keep creating laws that protect the vulnerable and empower the disenfranchised. I don’t want to ruin your buzz before you uncork the espumante but it’s important to know what people are celebrating before showing up to the party.

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This year’s theme is “¡Ley Anti-Discriminatoria Ya!” (“Anti-Discrimation Law Now!”) which in addition to sounding like the name for a telenovela set at an all-girls liberal arts college, is also a battle cry worth recognizing. The march will kick off at 1 PM with speakers rallying the troops around this cause in addition to musical acts and DJ sets. The march is set to start at 4 PM but most likely won’t get moving until after 5 PM.

If politics and speeches aren’t your thing, plan on meeting up with your friends around 3:45 PM and pick a float to get drunk next to march around. And squirrel friend, wear your walking pumps — it’s a bit of a trek from Plaza de Mayo to Congreso. Nobody wants to be the queen that drops out halfway through the party because her feet hurt. You’ve been warned — oh and speaking of warnings: keep an eye on your phone and wallet. Drunk people en masse make for a pickpocket’s paradise. It’s all fun and games until your iPhone 6 goes missing. So handle your scandal preemptively and hydrate, wear something you can walk in and don’t leave your phone or money in the front of a backpack.

Planning Out Pride In Buenos Aires

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Friday November 6th

Peuteo: Previas are key to getting the most out of any experience in Argentina. This place has made a name for its pre-party action with surprisingly decent drinks and undeniably attractive bartenders. Not a bad place to start a night at all.

Bagfest day 1 at The Bow: Definitely the place to go for muscle hunks and electronica. What the crowd lacks in brain cells the DJ’s make up for in onda. The cover charge is knocked down a bit if ordered in advance. VIP sounds stupid but is actually worth it for the breathing room and shorter lines at the bar.

Plop: OPEN BAR. Despite its questionable name and annoyingly young clientele, Fiesta Plop tends to have a little bit of something for everybody (actual lesbians have even been spotted there — not the norm for BA’s male-dominated gay scene). Fun themes, cheap drinks, a mix of fun music you actually know the words to and a half-time show that seems on point when you’re three sheets to the wind. You can buy your tickets early to avoid the throngs of gay Argenteenagers hoping to get in on the action too.

Sitges: OPEN BAR. Is it the most fun you’ll have on a Friday night? NO. But it’s AR$120 for open bar and fun has been know to be had there. I’d wait until Saturday but it’s a solid option if you’re dying to drink with your fellow man lovers.

Possibly something at Amerika AR$ just make sure your tetanus shots are up to date. Some open bars are not worth it. Your call.

Saturday November 7th

Mostrafest
Monstrafest

Eyeliner + Mostrafest: A fun guilty pleasure. Completely outrageous but so worth it. Massive buckets of fernet and coke available at a price point so low it makes you nervous, washed-up Argentine celebrity guests, and seriously solid music. What else could you ask for?

Bagfest day 2 at rheo: Same people, different DJs as Friday. Safe to say the most conventionally attractive crowd will be found there. This should be taken at face value though they may be good looking but if talking about Madonna and muscle milk aren’t your thing, I’d pass.

Brandon Gay Day: By far the best option for people with souls and actual taste in music. On point DJs, a cute-looking crowd with a good mix of guys and girls, viably straight-friendly, and it’s put on by the people behind Casa Brandon. Spots fill up fast so try to get there early. You get a discount if you save the flyer to your phone and present it at the door.

Puerca: Plop’s feisty and somewhat grittier Latina sister. It fills up fast, drinks are still cheap and cumbia reigns queen here. You can buy tickets ahead of time to be sure to get in on the joda.

Sitges: Same deal as Friday except that one of the city’s best drag queens named Tacos and Gonzalo Costa will be there to put on a show worth drinking to.

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Adam Corl is a New England native with a passion for sarcasm, wine that tastes expensive, and keeping his parents questioning his life choices. This combined with a keen interest in avoiding all things corporate has lead him to fund his nomadic lifestyle through freelance writing and research endeavors.