It’s January. Porteños are at the beach, Congress is in recess and consequently, the news cycle has come to a bit of a screeching halt. (Well, aside from the occasional rogue narco criminal and vulture fund negotiations. Even President Mauricio Macri has given his deluge of emergency decrees a rest). All of this leaves us journalists desperately searching for news — any news — to inform and entertain you, our dear readers. We thumbed through everything being reported on and found some gems that failed to make the front pages but still deserve their fifteen minutes of fame.
This Little Piggy Went To Rosario
Rosario residents took to social media this morning to report sightings of a large black pig ambling through the city. His morning stroll ended when a group of taxi drivers corralled it and tied it up until municipal agents arrived. Big news day.
The pig was found to be injured and in bad health but rest easy you hypocritical bacon eaters — he ended up received veterinary help from authorities. Hopefully he’ll make a full recovery and be able to continue his early morning walks around town.
This amazing headline basically translates to, “Well that was weird: Germans came to Buenos Aires to graffiti the Subte and got caught.” And effectively, the story goes that two 26-year-old Germans were arrested today for painting “DRBO 31,” the name of the graffiti group which they were allegedly joining here in Argentina, on a D Line train at Juramento station.
I don’t know what’s more annoying, people vandalizing the Subte or that vandalism is being outsourced. The scourge of globalism. You know.
Things are getting straight up biblical in Frías, Santiago del Estero. A “plague” of locusts has invaded the city transforming roads, trees and fields into something out of an Indiana Jones movie. In addition to covering everything in a living blanket of gross, there are legitimate fears that they could eat up the city’s vegetation.
Sadly, unlike I originally thought due to a clumsy translation, the city is in fact not facing a lobster invasion. Thanks Wordreference.
Concrete Jungle Where Fines Are Made Up
Finance Secretary Luis Caputo met with Daniel Pollack today in New York to restart negotiations concerning a debt settlement. But that’s actual news. The almost-news is what happened with the driver of the vehicle that took Caputo to his meeting. After refusing to move when a parking enforcement officer asked him to, the driver was given a ticket for $115.
Add it to the tab, New York.