Adrian “Panadero” Napolitano, the douche who yesterday admitted to being the one who pepper sprayed River Plate players during last week’s Superclásico, won’t have to spend a single night in jail.

His attack – considered a felony – not only caused the suspension of the game and got Boca disqualified from the Copa Libertadores tournament, it also ruined the most exciting duel in over a decade for 45,000 fans watching it live at the stadium and million others at home.

But alas! While many of you are calling for his head on a plate, turns out that Argentina’s criminal code believes a mild reprimand is more than enough to teach him a lesson. The prosecutor in charge of the investigation, Susana Calleja, said that, legally speaking, the incident is considered to have caused “minor injuries aggravated by the fact that they took place in a sporting event”. The prosecutor has already called Napolitano for questioning.

She also ordered a raid on his home and all three bakeries owned by his  family.

Javier Raidan, Napolitano’s attorney, requested for his client not to be detained while the investigation continued. Judge Carlos Ponte granted his request and confirmed that the attacker will not go to prison, since such a felony has a 16-month maximum sentence for the accused, which means that according to the local Criminal Code he gets probation (in Argentina criminals can only serve time when they are sentenced to three years in prison or more).

His other attorney, Hernán Carluccio, provided more details in a radio interview, where he said his client had never been officially noticed that he had been summoned for questioning.

“He’s in the country and he’s reachable,” he said. “This is an incident that creates a world of speculation and consequences, but criminally speaking this is a really small case. The Criminal Code stipulates a minor punishment for it and admits probation” he added.

While Napolitano may be off the hook and be able to escape jail time, his problems are far from being over.

This morning, only hours after admitting his responsibility in the attack, a group of people showed up to one of the bakeries owned by his family and spray painted it with the word “salame“, which I must admit is kind of disappointing since it means “fool”. Not the kind of intimidating message you would expect from a bunch of menacing hooligans. “Fool”? What is this, a Disney movie?


“They came in the morning looking for him,” a man who lives near the bakery said. “There were eleven guys ready to beat the shit out of him. Big guys. They told me they were upset because ‘everyone lost because of him'”.

Yesterday, during his confession, Napolitano said: “I have a family… I’m scared”. He wasn’t kidding.