Heyyyy neighbor. Photo via La Nacion.

Everyone. Calm. Down.

Mick Jagger, in between hypnotizing us with his hips, said at the Rolling Stones concert this weekend not to cry for him (no really, he serenaded the crowd with “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina”), because he’ll be back. As in he said he’s just bought a one-bedroom apartment in Chacarita.

Though the national media (and popular opinion) is divided on whether this is a joke or not, this author believes it could be true (please please pleeeeeeease). And so, like a girl 45 weeks deep into her new boo’s Instagram, let’s investigate.

Here’s the breakdown: Jagger spoke in Spanish and said, roughly,  “It’s so sad that this is the last show. But don’t worry, I bought a one-bedroom apartment in Chacarita.”

(Once again we face the tricky ambiente vs. bedroom conundrum – ambiente literally refers to space, so what is commonly referred to as a “two ambiente” here is what most anglos would call a “one-bedroom apartment” that includes another room.)

  1. Chacarita. Why would you joke about that?  It just seems quite specific.  Maybe he would joke about Palermo, Recoleta, but how, I ask you, would Sir Mick even know about Chacarita? Lovely as it is, truly. Point for “It’s true!”
  2. UN DOS AMBIENTES!  Also oddly specific. For the sake of constructing a good joke,  that’s just too much information. But for the sake of practicality, well, he’s a rock star and needs appropriate storage space for his skintight leather trousers. Makes. Perfect. Sense. Another point for “It’s true!”
  3. He’s British. They are sarcastic heart breakers who love to dash our hopes and dreams. Every last one of them. Point for: “Cry yourself to sleep, it’s all a lie.”
  4. He said it in Spanish. Points for Mick for trying and for being married to a Nicaraguan for many years, but there is a chance that he is a tad confused. Point for: “Cry yourself to sleep, it’s all a lie.”

Should it be true, we would like to formally welcome Mick Jagger to the neighborhood, and offer to show him around.  I’m free to housesit anytime.