U G L Y…Get to the gym and put down that fry! Ladies, this is important. The Miami Dolphins are in Buenos Aires recruiting cheerleaders for their upcoming season and you could be next on their roster. Well, auditions were yesterday, but if you have a passion for pom poms, you could follow the team to their next stop, Colombia, as they tour South America in search of 35-40 lucky ladies for their squad. All you have to do is look like a Victoria’s Secret Angel, dance like a New York City Rockette and scream like you’re Kirsten Dunst in Bring it On (the original of course), and you’ve (maybe) got the job!!
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) March 7, 2016
The auditions, which have already taken place in Rio De Janiero and will continue in Bogotá and Mexico City, are searching high and low for the most “enthusiastic, charismatic and talented” girls in the Southern Hemisphere. The official Miami Dolphins website would also like to remind prospective auditioners to PIENSA EN VERTE ATRACTIVA!… Thats right, just look good (and be 18). It’s that simple.
In lieu of this exciting announcement, we’ve decided to offer you some original Argentine cheers, so you can be sure to wow the judges while still representing our City.
- The National Anthem: Argentines do it best, mate till we hit cardiac arrest!
- The Dolphin Cry: Squeak squeak, squawk squawk, got petty theft all down our blocks!
- The Presidential Ode: Clean your face, get rid of that acne, gotta look good, reppin’ Macri! Go Dolphins!
What are you waiting for girls?! The only thing standing in the way between you, daily encounters with hyper-masculine, steroid-infused NFL men and a one-year contract is some damn good spirit fingers.