"Only 5 blocks away!"

Former President Cristina Kirchner has uploaded a(nother) homemade video to her YouTube channel, and, as Perfil and La Nacion have pointed out, it resembles something of a reality court drama.

In the video, entitled “The Country They Promised Us Is Not The Country We’re Living In”, Cristina ‘reveals’ a political, judicial and media conspiracy against her, all while performing administrative tasks associated with her indictment for financial mismanagement in the Future Dollars case,  a currency trade that lost Argentina billions of dollars back when she was President.

The video, uploaded to YouTube yesterday, centers on Cristina going to have her fingerprints taken at the National Registry of Recidivism Office (RNR) in Río Gallegos, a fact that frustrates her because she had already been required to provide fingerprints at a Federal Court in Buenos Aires last year. Much of the video focuses on exposing this supposed judicial incompetence, and delighting in the modern facilities of the RNR, built during her administration. The main point of the video, however, is to expose the “true decay of democracy” in Argentina.

Throughout, Cristina poses and repeats a question that she promises to answer by its end: Why did judge Claudio Bonadio make her travel over 5,000km from her house in Río Gallegos to a Federal Court in Buenos Aires, if there’s a national crime registry office that can perform the same functions only 5 blocks from her house?

**Spoiler alert**. It involves a political conspiracy against her, the greatness of her own legacy, judicial incompetence, an attempt to cover-up “reality”, and the “true decay of democracy” in Argentina under President Mauricio Macri.

The Video

The basic plot line of the 8 minute video is as follows. Cristina, who had been forced to go to Comodore Py Federal court house last year to have her fingerprints taken as part of the Future Dollars case, has now been told that something went wrong and she’ll have to do them again. Que bajon! After all, Cristina is at her home in Río Gallegos and Buenos Aires is over 5,000 kilometres away.

But wait! Turns out she doesn’t need to go all the way to Buenos Aires. Turns out she never needed to go all the way to Buenos Aires. Why? Because only “5 blocks” from her home, there’s a beautiful, “luminous”, brand-spanking new National Registry of Recidivism Office (RNR), which has the power to take fingerprints.

“Only 5 blocks away!” via YouTube


In fact, it can perform a better service, because everything is digitalised, and, in a twist that teaches us as viewers about the value of her legacy, it just so happens that this building – so modern, so new, so well-equipped – was built by her government.

"We made this"
Cristina proudly extols the virtues of the new RNR. She says “and we did all this ourselves, our government, the ‘K inheritance’ (a reference to the term the current government uses to describe her government’s economic legacy.)


Cristina drives to the RNR offices to have her prints taken. What proceeds is a demonstration of the virtues of her administration. And so, for example, we have Cristina holding a small fingerprint scanner to the camera. “It’s marvellous, look at all, we also bought this,” she says, smiling, before making another quick plug for her administration, “this is the technology my government introduced so you don’t have to stain the fingers with ink. What’s more, it’s much more secure.”

In the same scene, we also have Cristina once again promising to solve the mystery of why she was initially made to go to Buenos Aires to have her fingerprints taken: “Soon I’ll tell you why they made me go to Comodoro Py and do the whole thing with ink, which, by the way, they messed up.”

Screen Shot 2017-02-07 at 1.22.56 PM

In the final scene, Cristina returns home, and, in front of window that displays her lavender-filled garden, she finally solves the central mystery for us.

“Why did [Judge Claudio] Bonadio do what he did?” she asks.

The Final Reveal

It goes deep.

Firstly, because they wanted to take a photo of her entering the courtroom in Buenos Aires, thereby tarnishing her reputation. All this amounts to a “ferocious persecution” of her, in her words.

Secondly, it is an attempt “to hide what is happening. Because if I or my children appear in the headlines, they don’t have to talk about the unemployment, the lack of work, the offices that are going under.”

Cristina’s verdict: “In synthesis, it is as a conspiracy by the judiciary, the media, the intelligence agencies to cover-up reality, and to persecute and to exercise social control.”

Big claims. Depending on which side of the political fence you sit on, she’s either unmasking a governmental conspiracy or making a mockery of the judicial process.

What will the next installment of Keeping Up With The Kirchners bring?