Last night, while you were either getting ready to go out with your friends or crying alone in your underwear at home, the Facebook/Twitter world exploded with snark after President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner posted a series of insanely hilarious tweets in which she congratulated Pope Francis on the eve of Pope’s Day (yes, apparently there is a Pope’s Day.)

And before you start reading: no. Her accounts were not hacked.

This actually happened on Friday night:

 “It’s June 29 tomorrow. Yeah, I know, so what? So nothing, it’s Pope’s Day.”

 

 “In the quiniela (local lottery), the number 29 is Saint Peter. What a coincidence, no? And in the Catholic calendar of saints it’s Saint Peter and Saint Paul.”

 

 “Whatever, it’s got nothing to do with it. The truth is, as expected, I sent a salutation letter.”

 

“I assume it must have arrived by now.”

What follows is a direct translation of that letter. Please keep in mind that it has been translated verbatim, punctuation errors included. Get ready for the most hilarious thing ever:

Olivos, June 13 2013

To Your Holiness

Francis

Vatican City

To tell you the truth this is the first time I write a letter to a Pope.- Let alone congratulate him on “Pope’s Day”.- No idea.

I was told this is always done by the Foreign Ministry or the Secretariat of Worship.- But since the Pope is now Argentine, this is something the President should do.-

I was sent a sample letter that seemed written following the protocol guidelines of the 13th century.-

I told them “I’m not signing that”.- If  this is what we’re sending him, then just keep doing what you’ve been doing until now.- So I took the liberty of writing you a letter (I agreed to address you as Your Holiness bla, bla ,bla, because we shouldn’t just say no to everything.)

So Happy Pope’s Day. – I hope you got my framed Pontiff commemorative stamps and the envelope with the now famous mate.-

My idea was to begin this letter by addressing you on a first name basis as You prefer, but they said “Madam President, no”.-

Whatever, it’s done.- Are they right? Honestly, I don’t know.- But I wasn’t about to start a fight with them either.-

Godspeed and take care of yourself.- Drink mate.- You know what I mean.-

With respect and admiration.-

President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner

Now, it’s unclear whether her missive is a heartfelt, informal salutation between two people who care about each other or if she’s just trolling him. Whatever the case may be, sweet Jesus, Madam President. Don’t you have any proofreaders?! Are you so bad at delegating that you can’t even dictate your letter to one of your unpaid interns? I mean, I know I screw up from time to time but I’m not the president of a freaking country! Or what’s scarier, maybe you do have proofreaders but they are so terrified by the idea of correcting you that they just nod their heads, give you a timid thumbs up and pray for the best. I’d also like to know who those brave patriots who dared to say no to you are (if such a situation ever existed.)

It’s hard for me to pick my favorite part. Maybe it’s the Seinfeld-esque “bla, bla, bla,” that mysterious dash following almost every period or the dire warning “drink mate, you know what I mean.” No, Madam President. I don’t think anyone knows what you mean. But thank you for lightening up our Friday evening.

And to close, here’s a good tweet from journalist Mariano Obarrio last night:

“Cristina used the singular first person pronoun 12 times in a letter sent to the Pope to congratulate him on Pope’s Day. She’s all that matters.”

*slow clap*

(Photo via the President’s Twitter account, edited with Over)