It’s Friday again!

And what a week it’s been. President Mauricio Macri has only been in power for eight days and the Kirchnerites are already in absolute despair about what he’s doing to the country. They are going nuts on social media, warning that a new dictatorship is now imminent and that our only escape is through the so-called “resistance” (i.e. protesting everything he does.) Macri’s supporters, however, continue to be enamored with his reforms and “much-needed changes,” arguing that he is the chosen one, the one who will bring balance to this country and restore our credibility in the universe.

If this epic battle between good and evil sounds too much like Star Wars, it’s because it does. The only difference is each side claims to be the rebel alliance, while accusing the other side of being the Galactic Empire.

The cognitive dissonance in all this has created two different universes and two opposing realities in which the truth is relative and facts are anecdotal. All that matters is that I’m right and you’re wrong. Society is as polarized as ever.

So, in order to make you all happy, I’ve decided to honor everyone’s love for the Choose Your Own Adventure books and Star Wars movies and say exactly what the ultras, the antis, the pros and the whatevers want to hear.

Enjoy.

This is what you need to know.

IF YOU ARE A MACRI SUPPORTER, CLICK “BEGIN” THEN READ BELOW. IF YOU’RE A MACRI HATER, SKIP UNTIL THE NEXT VIDEO

(Warning, this animation doesn’t work properly on cell phones. You had one job, Disney!)

  • Or something like that. You know what I mean.
  • So yes. Ever since President Macri took office, he’s been going a million miles an hour, making immediate changes and adjustments everywhere you look. In fact, he’s made so many announcements that instead of trying to explain them, the Washington Post just decided to run this headline.

wapo

  • HE IS CHANGING EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS.
  • Damn, so what exactly has he changed?” you’re probably asking. Well, my fellow uninformed reader, I believe you should read The Bubble more often. But, in a nutshell, here are the changes he’s made:
  • In an unprecedented call to peace, he has met with all the provincial governors for lunch
  • And if you criticize any of this you’re obviously a dumb bimbo who doesn’t understand politics and doesn’t see that he’s trying his best effort to fix all the many problems that former President Cristina Kirchner left. End of discussion. Kthanksbye.

IF YOU’RE A MACRI HATER, CLICK “BEGIN” THEN READ BELOW

  • Or something like that. You know what I mean.
  • So yes. Ever since Macri took office, he’s been going a million miles an hour, taking us back to an era of obscurity, just like the time before our beloved leader Néstor Kirchner became President and rescued this country from the evil clutches of rampant capitalism. Macri, obviously a dictator, and in accordance with his supreme overlords (the United States, the IMF, Europe, Queen Elizabeth, the CIA and quite possibly Henry Kissinger), is making immediate changes and adjustments everywhere you look. In fact, he’s made so many right-wing announcements that The Guardian is calling it “a shift to the right.”

guardian

  • NEOLIBERAL POLICIES, YOU GUYS.
  • Damn, so what exactly has he changed?” you’re probably asking. Well, my fellow uninformed reader, I believe you should read The Bubble more often. But, in a nutshell, here are the changes he’s made:
  • He has met with all the provincial governors for lunch. Big deal. I wonder how long that will last.
  • And if you criticize any of this you’re obviously a dumb bimbo who doesn’t understand politics and doesn’t see that he’s trying to destroy this country. End of discussion. Kthanksbye.

  • So yeah. The cepo has been lifted. “End of an era,” and all that. So if you want to know how this affects you or if you’re able to legally buy dollars now, here’s a good explainer.

Enjoy the weekend, kids! And Merry Christmas!