Yes. The new season has just begun and we’re already in episode two of the Cadena Nacional. And get ready, because the next year could include dozens (maybe hundreds!?) of daily intrusive presidential messages.

You see, as we explained yesterday, it’s Cristina’s final year in office and this means that all bets are off. And that’s why she announced today that because she’s increasingly frustrated with the media snubbing her administration’s many awesome announcements, she decided that from now on whenever she makes an official announcement (read: all the time) it will be announced on Cadena Nacional. “It’s the only way people will be able to find out about the important things,” she said, clearly ignoring the many (and I mean many) media outlets that have cozied up to her in the last few years and constantly copy and paste whatever self-congratulating press release her administration sends them.

Unfortunately she will never consider them to be relevant for as long as Clarín and La Nación continue to exist and make her life miserable.

“I’d like all news shows and media outlets would support me, but we know how it is… They will only talk about me whenever I say something controversial and then never comment on the important things,” she said again, clearly ignoring what networks such as Crónica, CN23, C5N and Canal 7 talk about on a regular basis.

So, in closing, here’s how it’s going to work from now on:

  • Cristina offers a press conference from the Casa Rosada or attends a Government ceremony. She makes some announcement that will obviously be broadcast on all Cristina-friendly networks and absolutely ignored by the anti-Cristina networks, as it usually happens.

 

  • “Sometime around 8 PM”, an edited, condensed version of her announcement will be broadcast on Cadena Nacional, interrupting whatever show you were watching. Because if earlier you thought you could escape listening to her by watching some other anti-Cristina network, you were obviously dead wrong.

 

  • She wasn’t clear about how often this would be happening, but it could happen everyday. This way she makes yet another move to completely leave the annoying existence of journalism outside of the picture. By running her mandatory messages on prime time, they would be overlapping with evening television news programs. So it really couldn’t be more perfect. And Orwellian.

 

Today’s episode began at 7:50 PM and lasted 20 minutes (so much for “edited and condensed”), and involved a new dental plan that targets poor people “so they can smile with dignity”. The Government purchased 30 trucks from Germany that will be touring the country, fixing people’s teeth.

She also congratulated Racing fans (including her son) for yesterday’s victory, which is obviously something the entire country was looking for.

God help us all.