Photo via Clarín

I can’t even.

SoHo. Brooklyn. Queens. If you thought the newyorkization of the coolest neighborhood in Buenos Aires had hit peak stupidity with ‘Palermo Little Italy’ (‘PaLiTa’ for the connoisseurs, obvi) you may have underestimated our collective capability to make things worse.

Say hello to Palermo Bronx, a new area wedged between Hollywood and SoHo, on Juan B. Justo Av., that not only has no reason to exist, but also has a name based on the anachronistic view of whoever decided to come up with it.

That’s right, ‘Palermo Bronx’ gets its name after – what they think is – a New York borough that is synonymous with a desolate wasteland of crime and unauthorized bonfires that only exists in the imagination of people who failed to understand that The Get Down was set in 1977.

According to Clarín, residents in the area who are fed up with non-stop robberies have decided to rename it Palermo Bronx because, well… You know. Crime and stuff.

“… it’s dozens of area residents who report similar incidents. Things are so bad that they have renamed the area between Juan B. Justo Av., Soler, Godoy Cruz and Honduras as Palermo Bronx.”

So there you have it. Time to update my Definitive Guide to the Palermo Bullshit.

Now, while the name is stupid, it is true that the area can be dangerous (especially at night) and you should proceed with extra caution when walking by the Soler underpass. The fact that nearby store owners keep complaining about repeated robberies is not very encouraging. Just because it’s the SoHo it doesn’t mean you’re impervious to crime.

I mean, have you ever wondered what’s behind Rosebar? I hope not. First of all because, ew. Rosebar. And second, it’s this.

Photo via Luciano Thieberger/Clarín
Photo via Luciano Thieberger/Clarín

 

So try not to take a wrong turn while trying to find the restroom in one of your drunken summer escapades. You could end up in that abandoned warehouse that, according to Clarín, is used as a hideout by robbers and other bandits who jump unaware pedestrians as they walk by the Soler underpass at night.

While talking to Clarín, area storeowner Victor Borowski said he has reported several robberies to the police, but there’s not much they can do since “a judge has ruled that the place can’t be raided due to the presence of families with children.”

Meanwhile, The New York Times has picked the South Bronx as a must-visit destination this year. Must be fake news.